Another Tough Day

TW: Suicide, Self Harm, vomiting.

Today has been a tough day for me, but let me go back to Friday first before I get to today.

Friday afternoon I went with mum and dad (step) to go and get a CT scan.  While there my dad had an X-ray on his knee (he needed one anyway and they said drop in when you are free for this).  The reason for my mums CT scan was a shadow across her chest which came up in another scan.  They have more or less written off Lung Cancer (thankfully) but it was a nervous time for us all, especially so close to Christmas time.

After the scan I went home and got ready to my work Christmas Do.  This had been weeks in planning by the work teams, but I was not going to go.  It was only 48 hours before that I ended up being convinced to go, after a few people dropping out and several people haranguing me to do so.   I met my colleagues at the pub, had a few drinks beforehand with them, and then we went onto the venue, where the company card was behind the bar and even more drinks were had.

All said, I left at around quarter past midnight, well socially lubricated, having danced most of the night and had a great time all in all.  I got home by Uber, and was only sick once from all the Jack and Coke I had, the acid was brutal though.

That same day (Friday) I also found out that my colleagues sister had tried to kill herself.  She had taken medication, slashed her wrists and was found somewhere by a stranger who took her to hospital.  The same girl also has recently found out that her fathers new partner (to be wife) has skin cancer and had to have a large portion of her leg removed.  She told me these things and I tried to support her and talk to her where I can, but I know that she has a strong support structure to help her out when she needs it.

Back to Saturday I did not do very much at the weekend, being that I was hungover and in truth I like to not do much on the weekends because I work all the time during the week and want to relax.  Which is a nice transition into today.

Today I got back to work and found out that while I was off “Bombshell Friday” had struck again.  Fridays are the day where something comes out where there is a problem and there is a scrabble to try and resolve it, but more often than not it can’t be done immediately and so there is a chaotic start to the week which can potentially drag on weeks or months depending on the issue.  Guess what, this time it was my fault.

I made a mistake, the mistake came back to bite me, and now I had to work to resolve it.  Unfortunately this mistake is on a project that I have made mistakes on previously, which only fed into making me feel worse about the issue.  I have spent the whole day trying to fix the issue, and speaking to the relevant internal teams and externally affected individuals to get things back on track.  It is not a one day fix, but it has ended up consuming my time, on something I am a little lost in trying to resolve and struggling with.

That word, struggling, is basically what is I feel at work.  I speak for myself here, but I know that the other people on my team feel it, but we are all trying to balance too many jobs.  I feel I am doing this the worst out of everyone as I keep having to resolve issues and fix things as part of the work I am doing, and they should have been spotted a long time ago but weren’t.  Before you ask who should have spotted them, I should have.

I spoke to one of my colleagues about the fact I am going to call a meeting with my manager, because I am doing too much.  Last year I had one job, and one job only at this time of year.  This year I am trying to juggle 3 and smattering of smaller jobs.  I feel like I have too much work to do, and because of this I am letting things slip.  Too many jobs means I am making mistakes in all three of them, and there is just too much for me to handle in one go.  When discussing how many issues we should be dealing with at a time, it was mentioned in someones previous job they handled 2 each maximum.  My team is 4FT and 1 PT, and we currently dealing with 76.  That is just not OK.

Work is really dragging me down mentally, because I don’t stop thinking about it.  I think about it when I wake up, I dream about it, I am even writing about it now (for good reason, I can justify this).  I work 8-6 Monday to Friday, but this has been known to be until 7 and come in at the weekend, pushing my hours to high 40s or 50s at bad times.  Now for some, that is not a big deal; your doctors and lawyers and nurses of the world, but for someone paid my level, this is not great.  I am working those hours to try and get everything done, and then it turns out that I still cant.  Between April and the end of November this year it worked out that I have done 270 hours of overtime that I billed for.  That works out at 38.5 hours per month, which to me doesnt seem so terrible, but it kinda is.  Every month I work the equivalent of 1 FT employee for a week (standard contract is 35 hours PW).

I am struggling to keep up with all of this, and it is making me more and more stressed.  Add on top my friends who I am helping out (the one above, another was at a funeral today who I was trying to support, my family, and the whole real dad and his partner situation which I don’t know if I have talked about) and I am feeling like there is just too much going on.

Circling back, I wanted to tell my manager that I would like to have some of the work taken off my plate, because I am struggling to cope with all of it.  I even wanted to tell him to take away the promotion that I have had, because if I am a lower level, then they can’t make me do the things that they are asking at the moment.  I ran this past my colleague and he agreed that we all do too much, but that I shouldn’t give the company the opportunity to pay me less.  The work would still be the same, and in his opinion (he has 8 years experience on me) the work we are doing alot of the time should not be signed off by someone of our level, but rather someone one or two levels above us.

Why don’t I change position?  I have thought about it and looked and applied in some cases, but in truth every specification I read I don’t feel I even come close to being able to do the things they say.  Christ, I read my own job specification online and feel like I can’t do the things on that.  A friend on another team has suggested I go for a junior coding position on her team and has put my name forward for the potential role (depending on the budget) next year, but even that I feel I will be bad at.

I know I have problems with feeling inadequate (Insert Coach Carter Speech here (which is amazing by the way)), but I just feel confused and not good enough and like every single day I am just battling to keep my head afloat at work.  Today was an 8-6 and quite frankly I am sure that tomorrow will be the same and it is Christmas Eve.

If I didn’t need the money so badly I would take a job where I could just turn off and have minimum responsibilities.  That would be the dream right now, but the reality is I have to have money to help my family, to try and move out of my parents home and to try and make something of myself.  I am 30 years old, I should not be living here, but that’s a whole other rant which ends up in another hole altogether.

It has been a long time since I wrote this much in one post, or even in one go at all.  This is really going back to the streams of consciousness recollection that this blog was founded on over 5 years ago, and I have just broken 1500 words to get to this point.  In truth, the people who used to read this years ago no longer do, and anyone who stumbles across this now will view this as a dated form of expression in a world of YouTube and short form, fast consumption content.  I just find this cathartic and getting this out of my head will hopefully make it easier to process and hopefully mean I can sleep and tackle tomorrow in a healthier and more balanced way.

I hope that I do not fall into the “likes and views are verification of my self worth” hole that I used to have, because I do know I do that sometimes, checking my stats.  Truthfully, if I have more than 2 views a day I think I am doing amazingly.  I think I got one of those notifications that my blog was “on fire” when it hit 30 in a day.  How pathetic really, but if anyone has ready this far (highly doubtful) then I commend you on reading the ramblings of an idiot like me.

I think it is time for me to stop now and watch some Brooklyn 99 or something light hearted to keep me distracted and away from sliding further down.  I think carrying on with The Witcher (which is brilliant so far) would be bad because it has some darker themes.  Same applies to most of the shows I would like to watch now, so I will stick to this for now and see how I feel.

To anyone who has read this far, thank you.  For Netty, thank you once again for being a chronicle of my mental state, for listening to my ramblings and for continuing to be a source of knowledge, pain and growth.



Conflicted Allegiances

So dating with the FWB was going really well.  I say FWB, I suppose I shouldn’t call her that anymore.  I will go with A.  A and I have been on three dates, and we never slept with each other after a date until the third one.  We did sleep together in between dates though so that kind of negates the whole thing I would say.

Here comes the dilemma.  The Marine and The RAF Guy work for her.  She is their manager and they do not like her.  They think she is ditsy, incompetent, lacking in managerial experience, naive and immature.  They come to me and bitch and moan about her.  The reason they come to me is because I am their friend, but also because they know I will try and look at the situation objectively and see why she has acted in that way from an outside perspective, as well as play Devils Advocate.

Now I went with both of these guys to Belgium and had one of the best times of my life, and we are planning to go somewhere else really soon.  I think that if I told them that I am dating, and possibly going to get into a relationship with their boss, would destroy the trust they have in me, as well as our friendship.

Would they just be happy for me if I told them and just let it all slide? I am doubtful.  The ideal situation would be either for her to leave there and go to another store/new job (unlikely) or them to leave and work elsewhere (much more likely).  That would resolve all of those issues, but they will not be happening anytime soon at this rate.

I want to tell them, but I am scared of the consequences.  For now I have cooled it off with A.  I haven’t talked to her as much and I haven’t seen her in a few days, where I was seeing her minimum twice a week.  I have said I have stuff going on an I need to think, and I do need to think.  What do you think Netty?



Third Time is NOT A Charm

Yesterday was Sussex’s 25th birthday.  I have written about his last two birthdays, and his 23rd was what got me back into blogging again after a dark spell.  See here for his 23rd and here for his 24th.  The 24th one isn’t really about it, but basically it was a drunken weekend which I will never forget.

So we went to a mutual friends house to have a BBQ.  We were drinking and cooking and laughing, having a great time with the 5 of us.  It was lovely.  Food was great, company was excellent and we were having fun in the sun.  It got towards the evening and we decided to go out.

We got a taxi to the pub in town and we had a few in the bar.  We met up with my friends brother and few of his mates and we were having a mellow one.  We had all eaten so much that we were struggling, plus the fact one of the couples is practically married and already given up on a social life makes me wonder why we even go out sometimes.

It got to a point where we decided to call it a night, somewhere around 11:30.  As we went to the taxi rank/cash point 5 of the girls who work near me all walked past together and said a big hello.  They wanted to know where I was going and what my plans were and all this, to which I told them I was heading home.  They called me a wuss and went to the pub.  At that point I realised I was going home because of my friends, and if I were with them I would stay out a bit longer, and who knows, maybe have some fun.  So I bid my friends adieu and went and joined the girls.

NB. did not flake on them, they were all getting taxis back to their respective homes, so I feel no guilt here.

I walked in the pub and they cheered as I told them I am having one with them then will hit the road.  We caught up and chatted, and the engaged girl (who is now “single”) was part of the group.  She basically blanked me completely as I chatted to her friends.  One of the girls was making me laugh, but the more she said, the more my standards of her dropped.  So I set her a challenge.  If you can get a guy to buy you a drink in 20 seconds I will buy all 5 of you a round.

Bitch went and did it didn’t she.  Never underestimate the wiliness of women or the stupidity of men.

So bought them a round and decided at that point to call it a night.  Here is where things started to go wrong.

  • Got a taxi home, key wouldn’t go in lock.
  • Call stepdad, brother who are in the house, knock on door and try and get in.  No luck
  • Try calling my friend who I was supposed to be staying with.  No luck
  • Try calling a few other friends. No one answers
  • Go back into town to try and get a room at the hotel.  No rooms
  • Try another.  No rooms
  • Call one in the nearby area which I would have to take a taxi to get to.  No rooms.
  • Walk past one and happen try my luck.  Number 4 works.  By this time it is gone half 3 in the morning, I am beyond frozen, completely sober and angry at everyone.
  • Try to sleep, can’t
  • Doze in and out until half 7 where I get out of bed and wash my face.
  • Feel disgusting, check out and walk home.
  • Knock on the door as loud as I can at 8am when I finally get home and have to be let in.
  • Take shower, still awake, annoyed that the evening was not awesome and that people are all bastards.

I’m done.


Sin List

This started off with me thinking I would write a short post about sins I have committed in the eyes of God and then asking you how many you think you have committed.  Turns out there are 667 sins listed on this site, and I didn’t read through all of them.

I am sure I have committed a fair few of these, guess I am going to hell.  I do like warm weather though.

To see my Seven Deadly Sins Challenge Click Here.  This is where I went through each of them and said my piece and how I feel about them.  Granted these are two years old now, but still pretty true for me.


Dick Pics, Engagements, Pregnancies and Work

So I have been MIA for about a week.  This has been for a few reasons.  One has been I have been struggling a little at times with social interaction (but I will say something which will completely counteract that).

Let me address the first two parts of the title.  A girl I met who works near me gave me her phone number so we could talk.  That is not abnormal; her and I have spent our lunches together a couple of times and she is cool so I saw no issue with this.  Turns out she is a massive flirt and was pushing me.  Got to a point and she told me she was behaving that way because she was frustrated with her fiancee.  I had no idea that she had one, but trust me to flirt with the girl who has one.  That now makes 3 out of 4 so far.  Awesome work.

Hypothetically if I were to send a dick pic I would be easily identifiable.  This is not because I have a specific looking penis, but because of my tattoo position.  It is so low down that any shot I would take (hypothetically) would include it as well, unless the picture was taken at the base of the shaft to make my dick look like a skyscraper.  I must reiterate, this is hypothetical.

My colleague at work is pregnant so it has made work a little difficult, but we are working round it.  Also in the last ten minutes I have found out a girl who I was mad over is now pregnant as well.  Did I mention she is engaged too? and she walked away to go back to him (understandably, he is a much better guy than me, and he did have her first I suppose).  A little crushed inside if I’m honest.  Always hoped something would work out.  It never will now.

I have been working really hard in the last week.  The last few days have been particularly killer, with yesterday me not actually getting home until nearly half past midnight because I stayed that late.   It is either time for me to seriously find a new job, or for me to not take everything so seriously because it is really becoming a drain on me.

I have not been keeping in contact with someone for a while and I think it is affecting them negatively.  I am not sure what to say, or how to say it, but they should always remember they are awesome.  They always have been, regardless of what they may think.

Everything is a bit of a blur at the moment.  I have this weekend off and I am going to take my friends (3 of them, the ones I ended new years with) to dinner.  They are all so good to me, to the point I am staying at theirs tomorrow and saturday night.  I love them, and they deserve a treat from me.

While working I was talking to someone and she said I came across as “really confident, a ladies man and a smooth operator”.  I was not sure how to take this as I am not that confident, am no way good with the ladies and as for a smooth operator, I am about as smooth as coarse grain sandpaper.  I think she may have been talking to the wrong person.

Oh and girl mentioned at the top, the engaged one, she is 19.  I am 24.  Is that age gap acceptable? Also is that age gap acceptable at my age or is that weird? When older that is not so much of a big deal, however at my age is that abnormal?

Suppose abnormal is how I roll.


Tired and Frustrated

The Colour Of Sexual Frustration

I am feeling tired and frustrated, funnily enough exactly how this title is.  Let us break down this tiredness and frustration into its component factors and analyse them shall we children?

This emotion can be broken down into physical and emotional.  I am physically tired as I have been working Christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day.  Christmas eve I spent two extra hours at work helping out.  Christmas day my colleague came in hungover, and I mean crying in the taxi home my life is shit hungover, so I did most of the work, and there was a lot of work.  Today I sent my colleague home as she was throwing up and I called the boss to tell him so.  I spent 3 hours on my own, and made £3000 in that time, while doing other jobs.  Also, I have been doing Christmas presents and I have worked through my lunches on the last two days, because of being busy yesterday and because there was no one to cover me today.
On the emotional side I have been smiling, happy and take all the shit guy at work, which means things get done, but it is exhausting to put up such a front all the time.  Christmas day I got home from work about 3pm and raided the fridge for leftovers from Christmas lunch which had been eaten without me.  Found a few bits and nuked them in the microwave and had a beer, the went upstairs and drank a few whiskies in my bed, toasting my good fortune and the great year it has been for me.  Is it wrong to drink alone? Being happy and constantly having to step up to the plate at work and focus is draining me, with my broken sleep patterns returning and my dreams, it is starting to get to me.

Frustration stems from multiple areas.  At home I feel like I am distancing myself because I just do not want to deal with the drama anymore.  The Christmas tree was only put up because my brothers girlfriend said we should have it, on the 20th of December.  She and my brother decorated it while I was at work.  Also at home when I sleep I have been having dreams.  This is not unusual, I dream a great deal, but the subject matter is what is frustrating.  Purple is the symbolic colour of sexual frustration, and that is clearly bleeding through into my dreams.  Some are tamer, some are wilder, some are bat-shit insane, but the worst ones are the dreams about the memories that I have.  Those ones are the ones that really screw with my head.  I would write about it, but it would have to be a PPP.
At work I am getting frustrated at not being able to go and help where I need to.  I am annoyed that I keep having to work on my days off to cover people because my supervisor doesn’t give a shit and I am the one who has to pick up the slack.  I don’t do as much admin as her, but she doesn’t do any of the physical work like I do.  She genuinely said “You should open the safe, that involves bending and that’s a man’s job”.  You do not want to know what I thought as a response involving bending, a mans job and her.

So there you have it boys and girls.  I am Tired.  I am Frustrated.  I am also a couple of other things but I refuse to acknowledge those thoughts because I am not going to that place.  That place is dark.  A dark hole which I will not let myself go down.  On the positive side I shared my double sausage and egg McMuffin with one of the girls next door to me at work as she was hungry and I was feeling generous, so I think I have made a friend.  That’s a positive.

Hope everyone had a good Christmas.


Stupid Data Boundaries, Phone Screw Ups and Other Stuff **RANT**

Basically this is going to be a first world problem rant, nothing that actually matters but it has annoyed the hell out of me so I am going to write about it.

I got a call from one of the girls at work today telling me she is ill and if I could come in and cover.  I said yes, because then I will have 5 hours lieu time I can take, she looks rubbish and everyone knows that she was a stupid mare for coming in after going to a wedding reception last night and getting completely and utterly hammered.  She bugs me, but I have to work with her so I am nice enough, but you could have gone and moderated your alcohol intake, or crazy thought here, NOT DRUNK AT ALL!

Stupid person.

For the last 5 or 6 days my phone (Samsung Galaxy SIII) has not been connecting to my home WiFi.  This is a pain in its self because I use my phone a fair deal to surf and stream and for all sorts of data based uses, so using the WiFi is better than rinsing my limit in a few days (2 gig I think, but I use that very quickly).  So guess what? I reached my data limit last night, and with no WiFi I had to use my laptop (where wifi is fine) and do things on there (oh, cant use his new smartphone, so has to use is laptop, it is so hard) I said this was a whiny first world rant so get the hell of my back dickhead.

I thought that maybe if I updated my firmware it might kick start my phone into liking the WiFi again and maybe everything will be hunky dory.  Guess what? HOW ABOUT NO! Updated firmware, now cannot remember or access my apps on my phone to update those again because i cant remember my password, oh and still cant access the WiFi and still have no data to be able to access crap to surf on.


I realise I could write a satirical piece on the fact I depend on my phone more than I should, or how mobile phones are now so much more than simple devices used to call and text people, but I simply cannot be bothered, nor do I have the patience or wit to be able to come up with something so droll.  So my phone is just a phone now until my next bill and it will be restored, or I can pay for more (that is not happening).

MY phone WiFi still does not work, I have to go into work at 3:30 to help out, I cannot be bothered to be a good person today.  I haven’t texted either of the girls back from last night because simply put, I don’t want to speak to them, let alone meet up with either of them for a catch up.  I apologised to another friend because I was an absolute Dick with a capital D to her, but I still feel crappy about it and am thinking about maybe just walking away so that I stop being an ar*e to her, and I still have this other girl messing with my head even though she is so very much with her partner and they are really very serious about their relationship, even if he is an ar*e in my eyes.

Generally, annoying myself, things are annoying me and I have little patience.  Oh, and my mother is getting back from a weekend with 2 of my aunts, so you can guarantee this will bring on more guilt trips, more talk about responsibility, more talk about money and more than likely more talk about religion and duties I must perform.  Oh and my step dad is being a bit more of an ar*e than usual.  I keep having flashbacks oh memories of things I did when I was younger of when I thought I was being really helpful with things, when I look back I see as an adult I was just being played, a 16 year old being played on his guilt to help and to do his best for his family.

At least last nights kebab was really good.  I like that.  As I said to my friend a couple of nights ago

“Give me a whiskey or a blowjob, don’t care which one, but get me one now”

Fuck it, I’m Out.

Let’s See Where This Goes…Again…..

Thank you RieKid for this photo

Let’s See Where This Goes

As you can see, this is a new post from me.  I have not written anything since the 27th of July, so 17 days or about 2 and a half weeks.  I stopped writing because I couldn’t.  I reached a point where I had no idea what I wanted to write.  I tried several times to start something creative, and reached an absolute block.  I could not write a damn word.

So I tried to blog.  Just write down what you want and how you are feeling, just pour out what is in your head onto the keyboard.  That didn’t work either.  What had felt so natural and normal to me before just didn’t want to happen.  I couldn’t write anything which I deemed to be half decent.  Scrap that, I couldn’t write more than a few sentences before I decided that this sucked and I didn’t want to publish utter tripe.

So I looked at this blog and myself and asked myself “Why can I not blog?” and “Why do I want to stop blogging?

Why Can I Not Blog?
The simple reason is that I couldn’t find anything to write.  Words completely failed me.  I could comment and I could do my job (which involves a fair bit of talking) and I could have some conversations, but I couldn’t write anything really.  I also kind of pulled away a little from my friends and went a little introverted.  When I say a little, it probably was nothing to them, but I tried to distance myself a little.  I would message them every now and again, but not with the regularity that is common for me.

Why Do I Want To Stop Blogging
1. Because it is childish – This stigma I brought on myself.  When I think of blogging I think of teenage girls who are all angsty and emotional in their bedrooms, listening to slipknot or something like that, screaming at the world how much they are misunderstood and just want to be left alone.  In a way, yes, there are a fair few who do that, but that is not what I use this for.  I use it to express myself.  Sure, I could talk to people, but sometimes it is just so difficult to look people in the eye and tell them what you are thinking.  Recently I went out for a drink with my friend and we talked.  By we talked, I let them do most of the talking and I did most of the listening.  It has got to a point where when I want to open up and talk about some of the things in my head I just stop and can’t get it out.  I genuinely mumbled something and then asked a question which I knew would provoke a long winded response.  I have done that with multiple people lately, just hit a certain trigger subject and let them have at it.
2. Because I am 24 – I am at that age where I should be exploring the world, or finding my dream job, (to be more precise, be in my job), or making memories, or being sensible and preparing for my future.  I am trying to prepare for my future and am saving as much as I can.  But that has been tough, especially when I have taken chunks out of my savings to pay for a new alternator in my step dads car,  brothers birthday and paid several house bills (do not ask how much, you really do not want to know.) I almost feel restrained a little, but I have a responsibility to my family above myself and if that means I have to do this, then that is just how it is.
3. Because this could be used against me – paranoia and probably spending too much time alone has got me thinking thoughts I probably shouldn’t.  That’s a simple way of putting it .

This blog is my secret.  I tell people I write when they ask about my hobbies or ask me to draw and I explain I can’t draw, but I can write.  A few people in the real world know about it, and they are a privileged few.   Everyone else on here reads because they have somehow found me, or I have found you and you like what you read so carried on.

So What Happens Next?

What I am going to do is write when I want to.  If I feel I can, I will.  I will not push it, I will not pander, and I will not be ashamed that this is how I express.  I will still keep this my secret, but I won’t be so embarrassed about it.  I will answer questions people pose me, I will not obsess over stats, I will not write because of a schedule I have set myself or anything like that.  I will write simply because I love to.  It is what I enjoy and so it is what I will do, but only when the time is right.  God, I sound like a right pretentious arse.  Oh well, I am doing me.



What Is This Blog Anymore?

What the hell is this blog anymore?

Is it a medium to talk to random people on the internet?

It sure as hell isn’t very therapeutic anymore as I don’t write on it as often as I used to.  Maybe it is an ego trip, or was one as I used to look at the stats (and still do) regularly to see who has been looking, where they are from, how they found me etc…

Maybe I should write about sex and then I will get millions of views, feel validated in my own self worth and then feel like I am successful at something?

Maybe I should start a brand new blog, and just write whatever to no one again?  just me shouting at the world with no one listening.

Maybe I should just stop blogging altogether and give on on this thing.  I mean what is it really for (uh oh, I think we have gone circular here)

Why the hell do I write on here anymore.  What is the point of it all? Why can’t I just work this shit out?

Kids React to Controversial Cheerios Commercial

This is a little series which I watch by The Fine Brothers.  They do Kids React, Teens React and Elders React.  Recently they have also started doing YouTubers React as well.  Usually they are about funny things, but sometimes they hit on more hard hitting subjects which they feel the need to bring to the fore.  In a way educating children about the realities of the world and helping them to understand what goes on is a fantastic and admirable idea, but the question comes in about the age.

This video is about a simple advert for a cereal, but due to the fact that it depicts a mixed race family it has caused uproar and there has been a slew of prejudice and hatred coming from it.  I sound like I am sensationalising it, but I really am not.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with mixed race marriages.  I see nothing wrong with mixed race relationships.  I see nothing wrong with races mixing at all. Every girl I have ever dated has been of a different race to me.  I have dated girls who were mixed race in themselves.  Ultimately you should love irrespective of colour or gender as far as I am concerned.

It makes me smile how the children here had no clue what was “wrong” with the advert at all, and upon being told were all upset and surprised by the notion of it all.  It gives me hope that there will be a time without this kind of thing going on.  I mean the whole Trayvon Martin case in America and the new light coming to the fore over the Stephen Lawrence case just shows that even now, race really is something which is taken into account and still bothers people to this day.

It truly saddens me.  They innocence of these children and their acceptance makes me really have hope for the future.  My generation are pretty tolerant, but still there is hatred like this in the world.  I hope that this intolerance eventually fades away, and the sooner the better with this particular one.  Live freely, love freely and be happy.