RAM: Poetry Circa 2006; Aged 17

When I wake up from a nightmare,
I sit here and wish you were there,
But would you hold me close and comfort me,
Would you ask me what happens, would you see,
The little scared kid hiding in my eyes,
Who cowers in the corner as he is attacked by flies,
Eaten alive screaming with no one to help,
While his skin is being ripped, no one hears his yelps,
His dog is a bag of bones, stripped of flesh,
And now the boy is there, on the door of death,
His eyes have been eaten, his nose and lips,
He tries to run away but he slips, he slips,
He’s falling, he’s falling down into a black black hole,
He’s screaming he’s screaming he has no control,
THUMP his body has hit the end,
Crippled and destroyed, alone with no friends,
No family, no one near him who cares,
Even when alive nobody noticed he was there,
He is dead and forgotten, but forgotten while alive,
But why did he fight, fight to survive,
Did he have a future, could he be great,
Could he be a doctor, a head of state,
maybe a lawyer or just a hardworking man,
True and upright, with a gun in his hand,
A secret psycho who is out of control,
The Devil is burning deep inside his soul,
He walks into his bank and shoots the clerk,
This is all in the morning before he starts work.

—//—

Well, 17 year old me had a few issues he was working through I believe.  25 year old me thinks they haven’t gone away so much.  Randomly found this in a drawer looking for some photos .  I found this poem and another one on the obverse which I wrote while in an accounting evening class in 2006.

MMS

RAM: Teaspoon

When in my early 20’s my ex girlfriend quoted this to me.  She was explaining the turmoil of emotions a friend of hers was going though and my mind boggled at the concept that one could feel so many conflicting emotions all at the same time.

I had no idea at the time she was quoting Harry Potter when telling me I had the emotional range of a teaspoon, however I do remember crying with laughter at the idea that in my brain was a tiny spoon which represented my emotional spectrum.  Even now I laughed at it when I saw this clip, though I would like to think I am more at a dinner spoon size now rather than a teaspoon.

Just something that made me smile today.

MMS

RAM: Hugs and Arse

This is going to be a new thing I do called RAM.  Any of you techies out there, or anyone who has seen Daft Punk’s latest album will know that RAM stands for Random Access Memory.  It is the short term memory used by a computer to process calculations to run programs.  It clears every time you turn off your computer.  Think of RAM as your short term memories.

RAM for me is going to be used in more of a literal sense.  I am going to randomly post about a memory I have in my head and see what happens.  If  you have any suggestions let me know.  Otherwise let’s begin.

Hugs and Arse

When I was 14/15 at school I used to hang around with a group of about 20 of us; 5 guys and 15ish girls.  We used to go to one of the classrooms every lunch hour and just chill out there chatting and hanging out.  I remember that all the girls used to give all the other girls a hug when they saw each other, and as guys we used to mock that.  We used to give each other a “sup” with a nod and that was greeting enough.  The girls would hug and everything.  Then it dawned on me.

I like girls.  I like hugs.  Why not have both?

So I started hugging all the girls and they were all very accepting of it.  I think they enjoyed that I got involved and was fun and silly and all that stuff.  I loved it because hey, I am a teenage guy, teenage girls are all I think about!

I am not sure how it came about, but I suspect it was an accident which just became the norm.  I became so familial with the girls that when they hugged me I would give their butts a cheeky little squeeze.  It became so normal that I did it without thinking and when someone new joined the group they were shocked, but after verification that this is how I say hello to everyone just kind of accepted it.

A random yet amusing state of affairs.  I wonder what happened to that kid who groped girls so causally and got away with it all….

MMS