Which Button Would You Press?


I am having a hard time deciding between red, yellow and pink.

I would be able to be a super spy which would be awesome. Though in honesty it would probably end up with me just being a massive perv. Honesty is the best policy right, and that’s probably what I would end up using it for. Would I still show up on on infra red or any other detection devices or am I just invisible to the naked eye. Hehe, naked.

I would be able to catch so many people out in their lies, as well as find out the real truth in what people are saying by looking at their thoughts. If it is just to read their thoughts as in to hear them that would be cool,  it if it was to see their thoughts as if plugged into their imagination that would be even cooler. Again, distance for power to work (do I have to touch them, is it line of sight or within a certain distance of me, or can I just focus on a particular person no matter where or whom and hear their thoughts?)

The other two could be rather self serving, but this one would be for the good of humanity. I could save people from pain and suffering. But what is non fatal? People have been given months to live then ended up recovering and leading full and happy lives. Medical professionals get it wrong and cannot always say whether something is truly fatal. OK, if you have lost 85% of your blood then yes, you are fatally hurt,  but there is still a fraction allow percentage of wiggle room. Could I basically cheat death and give immortality to those around me? That sounds like a dangerous power and a hell of a lot of pressure. Also, natural deaths are needed to keep the world from becoming overpopulated. Who am I to play God with the control over life and death in my hands. After looking at it, I am ruling this option out.

Final Decision

I shall be Yellow, but on the proviso I can control it so I don’t get constantly bombarded with voices and I can do it to anyone I want, whenever and wherever, with the video capability. I kind of visualise this similar to Professor X in X – Men, but maybe with more of a Dark Phoenix level of power. That would be sick.



Positive List

  1. I have not been eating as much junk food and take out, saving me a good amount of money as well as improving my diet.
  2. I have had two whole days off in a row, and it was lovely to do nothing, if a little boring at times.
  3. I got my stock take results back.  We scored 100%.  My manager in his 7 years has never had a perfect stock take.  I literally jumped up and down and hi 5’d one of my colleagues I was so happy.
  4. One of the girls defended me and made sure I kept my day off because she was upset it was either her or I that always ended up being the scapegoats.
  5. I have been using the gym more and it hurts, but it is a step in the right direction.
  6. I am hopefully going away for a weekend in July with a couple of friends.  It should be a hoot.
  7. I had a really nice dream about meeting a little girl who kept laughing at the silly faces I pulled.  It was a good dream and reflects reality because I do that with kids I see all the time.
  8. After mocking a sandwich my friend had for years I finally gave it a second chance today.  Bacon, brie and cranberry sauce with spinach leaves.  It was heaven.
  9. We have been hitting target at work, which is always nice with a little bonus on top in my pay packet.
  10. I ripped my trousers at work; got free new ones.  I cracked the sole of my shoe three days later; got new shoes for free! Yay for a good manager and working in retail.



A Day with Twists

So I had expected today to suck.  I had a power nap from 6-7PM last night which screwed my sleep pattern up.  I had to be up very early for the early shift at work and when there found my colleague had also not had any sleep.  We both had Macdonalds to console ourselves while getting on with all our work.

While at work one of the girls from one of our other stores came in and surprised us.  It was lovely to see her and we had a little chat.  I mentioned that after talking to someone it turned out she knew her and my friend laughed.  The two of them had spoken about me at length apparently.  Concerning to know I have been talked about.  My other colleagues I work with all think I am some sort of slut, but in truth I am just quite friendly at times, and it ends up people get to know my face and I say hello to people.

I ended up having lunch with the engaged girl, which lead to her and I going out after work.  I needed to get some food to prepare my lunches for the week and she needed to pick a skirt for her mum.  We drove to the place and I bought Subways for both of us as a thank you for driving me.  We sat in the sun and chatted about life, work and our mutual friends.  She is a flirt and kept making little comments and whatnot while we were relaxing, and I am not going to lie, I reciprocated.  My giant cake I got the other day had been spoken about with her friend so I was texting her telling her to ask my colleagues in store to give her a slice which I had brought in for her.  Amusingly she said the cake was better than sex, to which I responded you need to improve your sex life.

Question: Inapprorpiate to flirt with an engaged woman, while flirting with her friend via text at the same time?

Engaged girl drove to to the supermarket where I bought my stuff.  I complained to her that her cardigan was covering her butt so I couldn’t get a decent view, so she took it off and gave me a wiggle and a smile, asking if that was better.  See 100%  not all me.  As we drove home we discussed the last time we hung out and how she was millimeters away from kissing me before I pulled away.  She smiled asked what would have happened if she had been single.  The look I gave her said everything that needed to be said.  I then told her she is lucky I am not teasing her now, to which she said it wouldn’t work anyway.  That was a challenge and she knew it.

So I teased her while driving running my hand up her thigh and she squirmed until I took my hand away and said I rest my case.  He face was a picture and a half.  She called me trouble and gave me a kiss on the cheek and left a lingering hand on my thigh before driving off to see her fiance.  Yes, I know, that is not a great thing really.

Her friend who I was talking to decided to tell me she was in the bath, and then about her tanlines after recently returning from Barbados.  I told her that put a million thoughts in my head and she then proceeded to offer to show me them.  Well, who am I to say no?  So I now have a picture of her showing me her tanlines, tastefully mind,  not in a trashy way.

Her boyfriend probably wouldn’t appreciate that.

I also found out via Facebook that my dad is flying to Dubai today for a few days away with some friends, and without his wife.  This was the first I had heard about it.  It is weird to think how far we have drifted now.  I told him not to start any wars.

That’s all for now, but still the night is young.  I also bought this which I am excited to read.

Just going to wait for a whole day off so I can devour it in one sitting.  Something to look forward to.


Work N Ting

So I have pulled over 50 hours this week and I am cream crackered.  I would be working tomorrow but it turns out I have been rota’d in a day off to help compensate for all the hours I have been putting in extra over my normal 40 in recent weeks.  How very nice of them!

I have been spending time with one of the guys at work in the other store which has been nice.  We used to work together quite a lot but with me in another one we do not spend so much time together.  I was with him for the stock count though mentioned in this post.  We have in recent times gone out drinking together and having a laugh which is good, mentioned in this post.  We work well together because all three managers know, we have a laugh and have fun, but the work is guaranteed to be done.

Today I worked with a new guy who was inexperienced and shy.  As bad as it was, I didn’t really have the time with him I would normally use to train him properly because I had so much to do and so little time.  I was a seriously stressy bastard and I delegated to him so he did some work, but he is seriously slow.  Also, do not call a customer “mate”.  That is just not on.  Took a good amount and managed to do some stuff which was good at least.  Had to stay later again as we had an engineer come in to fix some stuff.  Nice warning they gave me there of NONE WHATSOEVER.  Lucky I am a nice guy really.

I got a phone call from PR girl while at work.  She had called me while I was speaking to some people and I had to subtly hide my buzzing pocket.  When she called me around 5:30 I had a quick chat and she boosted my mood.  I said to her

“You know one of the reasons I enjoy talking to you? You laugh at everything I say.  Genuinely no one else I know giggles as much as you do when I crack rubbish jokes or tell stories.  You are my own little 4 foot 10 bottle of happiness.  Even if you give me severe headaches with all your drama sometimes, you are a little doll Teacup”

I nicknamed her Teacup because we were once discussing she has a chip on her shoulder, which reminded me of Chip from Beauty and the Beast, who is totally adorable and a teacup, and so the nickname Teacup was born.

Chip the Teacup with his Mum

Day off tomorrow will probably consist of me going into town to get my nipple piercing checked over to see how it is healing, going to the gym and maybe even doing some cleaning/writing.  Hope you are doing ok Netty.  Any more updates I will be sure to let you know.


Emma Lazarus Quote

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”

Emma Lazarus

I am not sure why but this quote has been floating around in my head.  Just the first two lines as they were the only ones I could remember, but they were in there.   Altruism as depicted here is a rarity I feel.  More people in the world need to take this to heart and stop being so selfish and self centered.  Help others around you.  It does not have to be monetary, listen to a friends struggles, let someone cross the road, hold open a door.  You cannot expect the world to take in every homeless person and give money to all the poor.  But just kind gestures and caring for your fellow person, that would be enough for now I feel.


This Evenings Events – The Cute Blonde and Friends

As you may gather from the title, I went out, and there was a cute blonde involved, but I shall get to that later on.  Let me start at the beginning.

One of my friends and I were at the pub.  We were meant to have a night out with four of us but one had to bail because of the situation the previous night (see this post here) and the other was at work and coming later.  So the two of us sat having a few quiet ones and the another friend of his turned up and we had a chat.  Then the other guy turned up around 10 and we got the Jager bombs in.  Bad idea for me, so horrible, but I manned up and got it down me.

We met a couple more of their group and bounced between a couple of bars.  The guy who met us after work was after a particular girl, so we said we would wing man him and help him out.  Bearing in mind that two of us have not had any for a very long time and we were helping the guy who got laid yesterday, I would say we are pretty awesome friends.

So after pub and bar bouncing we end up in the local club, where as I walk in I hear my name screamed and a pair of arms are flung around my neck.  I have no idea who this girl is screaming and telling me she has missed me until about 30 seconds later when she lets me go and I can see her face.  It was one of the girls called C I used to work with.  She is such a little gem and so much fun, and her boyfriend is a top geezer as well.  I give her a kiss on the cheek and shake his hand and we get some drinks in.

We bounce from upstairs to downstairs a few times, having a dance a few times, but I prefer the music and the atmosphere downstairs so I say I am going down and they follow me to the dance floor.   They see a couple more guys they know, as well as a girl who I recognised from the pub as my friends ex’s best friend (convoluted I know, apologies).  I see my friend C on the floor with her partner and a couple of their friends so I go over and start dancing with them all.

Her boyfriend grinds up on me to which he got the Bitch Please Special served up with a side of I Own This Floor topped off with a Move Yo Ass Like This Bwoy.  I do not get out danced.  My kingdom, as stated in a poem I wrote here.  Turns out dancing like that gets you some attention as her female friends cheer and start to get involved, both dancing with me at the same time.   I am having a great time getting my groove on and I see a couple of guys start copying my moves in a mocking gesture.  I run my fingers through my hair, they do it.  I do a fade away, they do it.  So I grabbed these two girls and got my serious dirty grind on which they absolutely got involved with and they just stood there with faced like “Well shit, did not see that happening.  He may look silly, but it works”  

I wander between the bar, some guys I see who I know and the girls until I find that the cute blonde who has always been either opposite me or next to me when I dance and always doing duo moves with me is standing alone.  I go and see if she is ok and it turns out she has been abandoned.  I tell her I will walk her to a taxi to go home, or she can join us for the evening.  She joins us and is basically by my side the rest of the night.  Lovely girl and a great little winder.

I should say that when I go out, I do not go to pull.  I go to a club to dance and have fun.  If girls get involved that’s cool, but my aim is to dance, scream lyrics and have a ball.  I did just that.

About 15 mins before close I tell everyone I am off, including the cute blonde, and they proceed to agree and follow me out.  I dance to the coat check to get my jacket and have a chat with the guy behind there who calls me FIERCE! I am not sure what that means, but he said it in what seemed a positive way, so I am cool with that.  We got outside and my friend who came after work was battered.  He needed walking home and a talk to get whatever was on his mind off.

I asked the cute blonde if she needed me to call her a taxi home and if she had enough money.  She looked a little sad, but said she could do it herself, but asked if I would wait with her until it arrived.  When it did she asked if she could drop me off somewhere but I live in the opposite direction.   I made sure she got her in her taxi home, wishing her a safe one with a kiss on the cheek.  Lovely girl who is clearly a great laugh.

We walk my friend home and he tells us about all his drama and how he is a dick.   What he has done does make him a dick, but it takes two to tango.  He just can’t play games like the rest of us.

Now I am home and nearly 1000 words in.  I should probably leave it there.

Night Netty and thanks for listening.  You are a diamond.

MMS xxx


WANTED: Texting Buddy x 2

I am on the lookout for a two texting buddies to fulfill minimum 5 year contracts, but hoping for lifetime.

Position 1 Requirements

  • Female
  • Fluent in English (second languages favoured if accent is sexy)
  • Flirty and capable of holding their own
  • Willing to get dirty
  • Good phone manner
  • Available at all times
  • Comfortable with photographs

Position 2 requirements

  • Male
  • Fluent in English (second languages accepted if willing to teach)
  • Geeky in some form (comics, games, computing, science etc)
  • likes women, anime, childish humour and discussions upon ridiculous topics
  • Available at all times
  • Comfortable with weird pictures
  • Good sense of humour

All applications will be reviewed and will be responded to within 5 working days.


Sometimes I wish I had someone I could text whenever and I know guaranteed they will always reply.  It would be awesome to have a combination of both of those people into one human being, but there is no one out there who would really fulfill all of those criteria.  I may have met some who fit several, but none who fit all.


If You Were A Shoe, What Shoe Would You Be?

Don’t ask me why I decided to ask myself an existential question.

If I were a shoe, what shoe would I be?

Wishful Thinking
I would be a patent leather dress shoe.  I am shiny, classy and perfect for those high class occasions.  Put me a black tie or a white tie event, an expensive restaurant or the parade grounds and I will do you proud.  Buffed, in perfect shape and sharp as a knife.  (If female, blatantly those 4 inch stiletto heels which should kill you, but don’t and are sexy as all hell)
Realistic Thinking
I am a comfortable pair of slip on shoes.  No laces required here, no muss no fuss.  Just slip me on and away you go.  Soft soled and with no pomp or circumstance, I can be more casual or a little more dressy.  Either way I am just your everyday pair, good to go whenever and always ready for a jaunt.  (If female, those dependable ballet pumps that you wear all the time)

What shoe are you? Let me know, or don’t.  Either way, if I meet you, I will judge your shoe choice.  *mutters*Damn women making me notice shoes and now it is an addiction.  



Steak and Blowjob Day

One Of My Finer Lines

My friend was on the phone to me earlier today.  We were discussing the fact that she had been propositioned by her ex of 2 years today as it is Steak and Blowjob Day.  I laughed at her and she told me another had said it.  I laughed at her again and said that at only 2 she was losing her touch.  Turned out it was 5 including the proposition last week.  

Don’t worry, this is not a serious offer on her, it was just an excuse to use some of the worst lines I can think of.  If these ever actually worked on anyone I would seriously be shocked.  Terrible lines like this are just part of my brilliant charms.  </sarcasm>


RIP Rosie

imageRosie, you were a beautiful and loving dog.  14 years of life on this place we call Earth and you brought joy and life to all those who you encountered.  I remember meeting you for the first time as a wee puppy nearly 15 years ago now.  You were playing between my sisters legs and running and hiding from me, all nervous at a new face in the house.

When Monty the rabbit was around you would try and get in his hutch and he would try and escape! It was all a very confused state of affairs with that one clearly!

You were crazy and mischievous, exactly what we expected from a Springer Spaniel, and you had a thing for stealing socks.  We will gloss over the time you destroyed a £2000 leather and wood sofa set, because in your youthful exuberance you thought that the sofa was a chew toy.

You were always fun and when people came to visit they all loved you.  You were just too adorable not to love.  One of the best things was that when people came to visit I would always end up sitting on the floor so that the old folk could sit on the sofas, and you would come and sit right with me, or lay next to me.  That is the kind of solidarity I loved about you.

I know you are in doggy heaven in the sky, sunbathing or chasing tennis balls around.  RIP Rosie.  Best Dog Ever