Sin List

This started off with me thinking I would write a short post about sins I have committed in the eyes of God and then asking you how many you think you have committed.  Turns out there are 667 sins listed on this site, and I didn’t read through all of them.

I am sure I have committed a fair few of these, guess I am going to hell.  I do like warm weather though.

To see my Seven Deadly Sins Challenge Click Here.  This is where I went through each of them and said my piece and how I feel about them.  Granted these are two years old now, but still pretty true for me.


‘You’re too smart,’ and other jibes about being single

‘You’re too smart,’ and other jibes about being single

Brilliant little article in the BBC today. They focus on India and the US,  but trust me on this, the UK has its fair share of this talk as well. I am 25 and I get these kind of comments a great deal.

Oh you will find someone soon, when you least expect it.

There’s plenty more fish in the sea.

Why don’t you try [insert dating website]?

Being single is not always ideal. You turn up to parties alone, your friends always partner off at the end and when getting official invites the sad moment where you don’t need a plus 1.

I’d rather be with someone who enjoys my screwed up brand of life than be in an arranged marriage or be told who to marry or what age I should be married by.

My parents married at 21 and we’re divorced by mid 30s. More people in my life have been divorced than happily married. I don’t really believe I ever will get married, but may be fortunate to have a long term SO, so would be married in Common Law if we lived together for an extended period of time.

Stigma on being single pisses me off. Yes I am single, no I don’t want your sympathy. Go donate to charity because I am not a charity case.


Vulnerable Pt 2

Basically what I was trying to say in my pseudo intellectual crapola that I spouted out in Pt 1 is that it is damn hard to show emotion as a man.

I feel that it is inherent to us as men to not display emotions which make us seen weak or vulnerable, because as men we are supposed to be strong for ourselves and others.  We are supposed to be the support structure which families are built around, which relationships depend on, which businesses look up to, which many religions look up to (a male deity that is).

I do believe it is nature for us, but there is a nurture factor as well.  I do not know about all men, but those who I know, and still associate with anyway are taught how to be gentlemen from a young age.  How to treat women a woman with respect by simple acts such as opening doors, ladies first, offering your coat when they are cold, helping lift heavier objects, avoiding too much profanity (if any in some cases), not being lecherous, I could go on, but I imagine you get the idea.

We are taught that women are to be cared for and looked after. This is not to say that they cannot hold their own, trust me when I say I know they are more than capable, if not more capable than men in multiple fields.  However, men are to be strong for their women, take charge and control of situations, be the breadwinner and be the “man of the house”

In the current day and age we live in my views and opinions I am expressing may seem dated, but they still mean something to me.  I would never cry in front of a woman.  Never.  I have cried in front of only a handful of men ever, and I do not intend to increase that number at any time int he next 50 years.   Crying is weakness.

I had a night out when I was with 5 girls and no matter how much I drank, which equated to a hell of a lot, I could not get drunk.  The reason I believe for this strange happening?  I was with 2 guys and we were watching out for the girls while we were in the club.  They are all beautiful and the while one guy was hooking up, the other guy and I felt worried about all the lecherous and deviant individuals who were trying to take advantage of our incredibly drunk and beautiful female friends.  It got to a point we nearly got in a massive fight with a few of them for getting handsy and not taking the hint from the girls that they were not interested in them.

I have been raised to look after the women in my life, and that is something I do with pride.  I do what I can to help my mother and aunts, I help the girls out at work as far as I can, and we shall not discuss what I have done for the girls I am close to, because to some it would look like they are using me, and to an extent I know that it could be seen that way, but it is not like that.  I care for them so I do what I can to make sure they are ok and to help them in any way I physically can.

I said I would never cry in front of a woman.  At times I find it difficult to sit down and really tell a woman how I am feeling either about them, or about whatever I am feeling.  That is why I have this blog.  It helps me to process.  I am a faceless individual.  I am just another random angsty waste of time pouring out their emotions onto a keyboard as they have nothing better to do other than pretend they have issues so as to gain attention.

I think nature and nurture has lead men to a point where we see emotions as negative attributes.  We are becoming cold.  Women want “tall, dark, handsome and mysterious”.  The stoic attitude which makes us “manly” is a desirable attribute.  I chose to feel because if I try not to, it tears me to shreds inside and I end up in an even more messed up state than I already am.

I am vulnerable to an extent.  But I can never truly be prone and open ever again. It only leads to pain, and the potential for betrayal.  Call me a cynic, call me damaged goods, call me whatever you like.  Trust me, as I have grown up I have been called more names than you can possibly imagine. But I am damaged, I am a cynic, and I am a great deal of those names.   I have had to harden myself so not to let them hurt me anymore, so as to not let the tears fall, so as to not be weak.


Vulnerable Pt 1

Why is it so difficult as a male to feel?

I am not saying this as a ” females do not have difficulty expressing their emotions also”, but as a concept whereby it is inherently ingrained within the male psyche, even beyond nurture, to that of nature, that men are not allowed to feel vulnerable.  

From the way that I have seen it is always seen as feminine, which is not a negative in regards to my personal opinion, but in regards to what I am writing, is negative.  We will not even delve into that bag of cats as to have “feminine” traits within men are deemed as less than desirable as that could be a whole volume of tomes by itself.  

What I wish to reiterate is the fact that it is difficult for a man to feel, especially with regards to the emotion of vulnerability.  I could just be spouting pure nonsense, which is highly likely as I tend to do so and am far from well read or an intellectual individual, however I think that men are predisposed to hide their emotional responses, as to show fear or vulnerability is dangerous for their future as well as for their prospects of finding a mate.  

As children we cry when we are sad or hurt, but as we get older, into the teenage years, males tend to bury their emotions deep within themselves.  They do not discuss them, they do not deal with them, and they absolutely do not let them come to the surface for fear of looking weak.  To be seen as weak makes you not only less attractive to the opposite sex, but makes you a potential target to the other males in your vicinity.  

This sounds all very animalistic and very much like we are on the Serengeti in Africa,  but that is because I believe it is a base urge dating back to the most primal state of our being.  As males we are not allowed to show fear, as if we do we will be beaten by our prey that we are hunting, or be cast out of our peer groups.  

In modern times I feel that to show weakness in ones peer group is becoming more socially acceptable, but only with those peers who are closest to us.  

What is your reaction to seeing a man crying?  It may be an overgeneralistation to state this, but it is a weakened state.  it is not the strong rock of a man which societies and empires have been built upon, but a weak, less powerful state which shows he is incapable of dealing with the pressure.

What I am trying to say, if badly, is that being vulnerable as a man is not something done easily, if at all because we are predisposed to not display weaker emotions so that we can be strong for the collective.  

Anchorman 2 and Random Thoughts

I went to see Anchorman 2 with a friend of mine today.  Before we went to watch the film we got a McDonald’s.  The waitress was a lovely blonde and her name badge made me wonder so I asked her:

“Sorry if this comes across as rude, but is your name short for something else?”

“No, it’s fine! It’s not short for anything, my name is just Rudi”

That was a surprise. I may have been hoping for her name to be Regina or something, but still I think her name is pretty cool.  *tries not to start singing the Kaiser Chiefs song Ruby in my head*

My meal would not be ready for 5 minutes so she gave me my chips and drink and said to take a seat and she would bring it over.  My buddy and I sat down and started eating.  5 minutes later Rudi comes over with my meal and has an extra portion of chips.  She hands them over to me, saying sorry for the wait, here’s a little extra something and gives me the biggest smile I have ever seen in my life.  My buddy’s jaw drops and I say thanks.  As she walks away he just looks at me and goes:

“What the hell dude!”

“You be nice to people, they will be nice back. Hopefully”

Now he called me a flirt again, but that one I just class as being friendly.  Free chips though! Awesome!!


Anchorman was brilliant.  My voice is so gravelly it could be a driveway but I was laughing the whole way through the film.  There were some terrible jokes, some fantastic references and some incredible cameos.  I would highly recommend it if you like a bit of stupid humour.  My buddy and I were laughing the whole way, and in certain scenes we were just cringing, but laughing at the same time as we know each other have lived through some of those scenarios.

We went for a beer afterwards and had a little chat with the bartender as well.  She was lovely and told us a brilliant story which cracked us both up.  While drinking we got talking about his brother, and how he is growing up as he is 22.  We were trying to remember what we were doing when we were 22 about this time, which was 2 years ago.  For him, he was going to his first meeting with his future fiancee to meet a mortgage adviser and was on the hunt for a house.  For me, I had graduated a few months before, and in that month of December I had broken up with my girlfriend and lost my job.  Two years later, he is engaged with a house and I am at home, but more importantly, I am SO MUCH HAPPIER than I was back then.  That is the main thing to come away with there for me.

Oh by the way, hot trouble girl who I mention here, here and here has left to go and work for a recruitment agency.  She thinks that will be an easier job than the one she has currently, she is in for a shock! She is smoking hot, but she is a gold-digger.  Ah well, such is life.

This is my first day off since I flew back in.  I was supposed to be off Sunday but I ended up going in to help out as someone called in sick and they needed someone.  It has been 8 days and I am feeling it, but it has been a fun day off.  My body really needs a couple of days just to rest up and recover from jumping from 35 degrees to 4 degrees (95 to 39 Fahrenheit for you Yanks out there) and pushing myself since getting back.  When I get my next day off it will be just before Christmas, so I will need to do my shopping.  No rest for the wicked right? Or just poor planning.  Bit of both probably.


Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

This test was brought to my attention by a blogger I follow and interestingly enough ties in with my previous post on self perceptions.  The Myers-Briggs type indicator test ” is a psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions” (Source Wikipedia)

There are sixteen possible outcomes for the test, and I happen to come out as and ESFJ.  This is called a Caregiver Guardian.  Here is a link to a description of what I am supposed to be like according to research.

According to Wikipedia (the source of all solid, completely truthful information) if I were an American the category I fall into is a rather popular one.  A brief overview gives the impression that I:

  • am a people person
  • take my responsibilities seriously
  • bring out the best in others and make them feel good about themselves
  • am hurt by indifference
  • require approval of my actions
  • gain great personal satisfaction from helping others
  • really care about other people
  • am strongly task orientated
  • want to control my external environment
  • am quite masculine, with a hidden sensitive side
  • am very good at reading people

All in all, I would say this is pretty much bang on.  There are inclinations to be a manipulator, and that is something I abhor so I do not identify with that title.  All in all, it is pretty accurate.  What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? Why? Answers on a SAE to my blog or personal email.

I have an ex girlfriend who I used to call Angel. That was her name and I only called her that. In return she used to call me her Guardian. Years later it appears this little test agrees with her. How fascinating.


Dove Beauty Sketches and Love Yourself

This is incredible. It really makes you think about your own personal perceptions of yourself. I am not sure if this classes as body dysmorphia or not, but to me it certainly shows how people are harsher on themselves than need be.

Though this advert (and that is what this ultimately is, an advert with a moral behind it) does depict women, this is an issue which is applicable to men also. We are all harsher on ourselves than we should be. If we all loved ourselves a little more, we would probably love the world we live in just a little bit more.

We can blame the societal need to conform to magazine covers (have you seen how insanely ripped the men are on the cover of Mens Health). Or look at this recent shoot by David Gandy for Dolce and Gabbana

We can blame parents, we can blame stereotypes, we can blame mass media, we can assign the blame to too many places. Ultimately, it comes down to us. We must love ourselves unconditionally. I know today I will certainly be trying harder to love myself. I don’t always like who I see looking back at me in the mirror, but some things you cannot change, so you must accept, and love yourself for your “faults”. They make you the unique and incredible person you are.

Hope everyone has a lovely day. Here is some love from me to you. Take every hour on the hour to remind you that someone loves you, even if it is just some weirdo spouting off on his little blog in the vastness of the Internet.



The Great Gatsby Quote and Why I Write

An exchange between Nick Carraway and Dr Walter Perkins in an office.

Nick Carraway: I don’t want to talk about this Doctor.

Dr Walter Perkins: Then write about it.

NC: Write about it?

WP: Yes.

NC: Why would I do that?

WP: You said yourself writing brought you solace.

NC: Yeah, well, it didn’t bring anyone else much solace and I wasn’t any good.

WP: No one need ever read it. You could always burn it.

NC: What would I write about?

WP: Anything. Whatever brings you ease. A memory, a thought, a place. Write it down.


That exchange is lifted from the screen adaptation of The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, originally written in 1925.  The scene I have quoted above is from the Baz Luhrmann adaptation, released in 2013.  (IMDB and Wikipedia links here).  When I heard this exchange it just made sense to me.  Complete and utter sense.   Something written nearly 90 years ago reached out and made complete and utter sense.  I never thought that such a small scene in a film would have such a profound effect on me.  It more or less defines exactly why I write.  I write because to me it just makes sense and relaxes me.  It seems almost integral to my being.  Half a month not writing felt so off.  The only reason I didn’t was because I couldn’t.  Now that I seem to have some sort of semblance of writing capabilities back I am trying to make sense of it and use it.

I had not intended to post every day, because that would be me falling back into an old routine, but I did intend to write whenever it felt right and I felt the need to express myself in a way which is not harmful or dangerous.  That sounds melodramatic, and it is, but I am going to not write angry posts, or at least attempt to avoid doing so.

This film has one of the best scores I have ever heard, and the film is rather brilliantly made in my opinion.  I would heartily endorse anyone who wants a good watch to give this a go.  I am intending to read the book now to compare how I feel, but first I have to finish reading The Marquis De Sade.  Thanks for listening Netty, you are a good companion.



The Great Gatsby Poster

MMS Methods Of Recognising Alcohol Influence

These are the ways in which I recognise that I am under the influence of the evil yet pleasurable ways of alcohol.

1. My traps hurt – for those who do not know what “traps” are they are the trapezium muscles located in the shoulders etween the shoulders and the neck.  When I find mine are incredibly sore it means I have been tensing for an extended period of time, causing pain and an early/already in progress warning that I am heading towards being drunk.

2. Lowering of standards – I was having a lovely conversation with a red lipped dark haired vixen at the bar before I got distracted by other things.  Upon reflection the two vixens I engaged with were in fact less vixen and more 40ish women with self esteem issues/possible cougars.

3. Chasing of women – There were multiple women with red lipstick (don’t ask, lipstick is a weakness of mine, especially red when teamed with pale skin) and I found myself drawn to a few whom I conversed with.  Lovely ladies and a nice bit of conversation, but funnily enough, I did not pursue further, regardless of signs otherwise.

4. Liberal attitude towards money – I am a generous person by nature, but when socially lubricated I become even more so.  I offer to buy rounds without expecting one to be bought for me, buy my friends shots and jager without question and imbibe alcohol in shot forms which is always a bad idea for me.

5. Code switching –  My language is prone to changing.  It can raise and become far more eloquent (or pseudo intellectual when around people, giving the impression to some that I am far more intelligent than I truly am) or go very street ( liberal use of the words “bruv”, “mate” and “you get me yeah”.”) May also include speaking French terribly in an attempt to impress the oppposite sex (linked to 2 and 3).

6. Regret – The process of looking back upon certain actions/moments in recent (or not so) times and over analysing them unnecessarily. Tonight this included talking about a mutual friend and the very fact I brought them up in conversation triggered many thoughts which were not appropriate.


This is all I can think of currently at 1:30 am post engagement party.  It took the groom to be all of 3 minutes to get a Budwiser in my hands and his brother all of 10 minutes to get me to go into town afterwards for more alcohol and chilling at a venue with pool, daing  and reasonably attractive women.  Low standards much MMS.  Atttribute that to whatver you will, I had fun. I will regret the ingestion of alcohol tomorrow when hungover and not in a good mental place, but at the time it is a whole lot of fun.