Basically what I was trying to say in my pseudo intellectual crapola that I spouted out in Pt 1 is that it is damn hard to show emotion as a man.
I feel that it is inherent to us as men to not display emotions which make us seen weak or vulnerable, because as men we are supposed to be strong for ourselves and others. We are supposed to be the support structure which families are built around, which relationships depend on, which businesses look up to, which many religions look up to (a male deity that is).
I do believe it is nature for us, but there is a nurture factor as well. I do not know about all men, but those who I know, and still associate with anyway are taught how to be gentlemen from a young age. How to treat women a woman with respect by simple acts such as opening doors, ladies first, offering your coat when they are cold, helping lift heavier objects, avoiding too much profanity (if any in some cases), not being lecherous, I could go on, but I imagine you get the idea.
We are taught that women are to be cared for and looked after. This is not to say that they cannot hold their own, trust me when I say I know they are more than capable, if not more capable than men in multiple fields. However, men are to be strong for their women, take charge and control of situations, be the breadwinner and be the “man of the house”
In the current day and age we live in my views and opinions I am expressing may seem dated, but they still mean something to me. I would never cry in front of a woman. Never. I have cried in front of only a handful of men ever, and I do not intend to increase that number at any time int he next 50 years. Crying is weakness.
I had a night out when I was with 5 girls and no matter how much I drank, which equated to a hell of a lot, I could not get drunk. The reason I believe for this strange happening? I was with 2 guys and we were watching out for the girls while we were in the club. They are all beautiful and the while one guy was hooking up, the other guy and I felt worried about all the lecherous and deviant individuals who were trying to take advantage of our incredibly drunk and beautiful female friends. It got to a point we nearly got in a massive fight with a few of them for getting handsy and not taking the hint from the girls that they were not interested in them.
I have been raised to look after the women in my life, and that is something I do with pride. I do what I can to help my mother and aunts, I help the girls out at work as far as I can, and we shall not discuss what I have done for the girls I am close to, because to some it would look like they are using me, and to an extent I know that it could be seen that way, but it is not like that. I care for them so I do what I can to make sure they are ok and to help them in any way I physically can.
I said I would never cry in front of a woman. At times I find it difficult to sit down and really tell a woman how I am feeling either about them, or about whatever I am feeling. That is why I have this blog. It helps me to process. I am a faceless individual. I am just another random angsty waste of time pouring out their emotions onto a keyboard as they have nothing better to do other than pretend they have issues so as to gain attention.
I think nature and nurture has lead men to a point where we see emotions as negative attributes. We are becoming cold. Women want “tall, dark, handsome and mysterious”. The stoic attitude which makes us “manly” is a desirable attribute. I chose to feel because if I try not to, it tears me to shreds inside and I end up in an even more messed up state than I already am.
I am vulnerable to an extent. But I can never truly be prone and open ever again. It only leads to pain, and the potential for betrayal. Call me a cynic, call me damaged goods, call me whatever you like. Trust me, as I have grown up I have been called more names than you can possibly imagine. But I am damaged, I am a cynic, and I am a great deal of those names. I have had to harden myself so not to let them hurt me anymore, so as to not let the tears fall, so as to not be weak.