Sleep related anxiety

So I am having a weird thing.

Saturday night I had pizza for dinner, which isn’t abnornal. However I think becuase I ate it so late (8pm isn’t even that late in my opinion) it stayed on my stomach and I think contributed to my dreams.

I had 2 nightmares.

The first one was around 2 am. I snuck into the kitchen at my dad’s old house to eat cake, then decided not to, but saw someone with a torch shine a light in. They then called the police and they came in the house and shot me. Think there was a news article similar to this with less cake. This is not the dream which bugs me.

The second dream is super brief. I was trapped in what felt like a large vase which constricted my movements and there was only a little oval of light above me which I reached towards. I woke up from this (I think I managed to wake myself up from it) but this dream has now bugged me last night (Sunday) and now tonight (Monday), to the point I’m only getting a few hours sleep, and I have to sleep sitting up.

I have claustrophobia, especially when it comes to dark small spaces. I have managed to brave lifts before, and I have a friend who lives on a 23rd floor apartment, so I use the lift for that, but otherwise I avoid small spaces. The reason this is affecting my sleep is that every time I close my eyes I see that small gap and I feel that everything is closing in on me. Closing my eyes makes me feel like the walls are coming in on me and I really don’t like that, obviously.

Recently there was an episode of Riverdale (spoilers) where Jughead is buried alive in a coffin. That is my worst nightmare. It is the reason I don’t want to be buried, but rather cremated. That episode messed with my head.

Then tonight, completely out of the blue while watching the new season of The Crown (spoilers) there is an episode about a giant diet mound avalanching and burying a school full of children and other people. I literally got 10 minutes into the episode and skipped to the next one as thankfully the episodes are self contained and you don’t really need to watch the previous one for the next one to make sense.

Closing my eyes means I can’t see (obviously). This in my head means that the walls are closing in on me and that I’m going to be buried. Even just being in the dark, in a bedroom I have had effectively 23 years is still not a safe space, which is really weird to me.

Just now before I wrote this currently (00.55 right now) I turned off my phone and even just looking into the darkness and seeing nothing in my room made me nervous. That’s messed up and really not me.

Is one dream really enough to get me this wound up. I think not when it’s daylight, I think not as I chill in bed watching things. I think not as it gets late and I turn off my devices and go to lay down and sleep. Then I close my eyes and it starts again. Maybe I am being too dramatic. It has only been two nights, but I didn’t expect this to go beyond just a normal nightmare. This is not ideal.

I’m a 30 hear old man and I think I need a nightlight. For now OK going to try sleeping sitting up again, hopefully that will help a little, otherwise I hope I am not developing some sort of tick now. It is so stupid and irrational and idiotic it shouldn’t even be a thing. But it is right now, and it’s not a thing I like.

PL&H

MMS

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