Same Same

Guess what, shits still the same.

It’s been a few weeks and you would think that things would have eased up a little, but they haven’t.

I just actually thought about it and it isn’t a few weeks. The last few weeks have been hard but this pressure level hasn’t eased since basically February. It has been months of under resourcing and overworking. I think I’m reaching the point where I’m losing the will. Even the simplest of reports is shaking out problems which should not exist, and as I find them they normally end up with me to fix. That absolutely should not be the case, as that is not how the process is, but a combination of key man dependencies mixed with lack of experience in the wider team leaves me in both a privileged and burdened position.

God I sound like a dick in that paragraph, but I’m not going to delete it. Stream of consciousness, that’s what this is and that is what this shall be. Work is my life and I have no progress in it. And as I have nothing else, nothing else is worth talking or can be talked about. My DnD group are struggling right now as our DM is going through some hardships. My closest friends from school have just had twins and another is newly married so they aren’t up for hanging out lately. I’m becoming more and more isolated from everything and with work being my focus and that going wrong, there is a distinct and real possibility of me spiralling. I can’t do that again. I don’t want to go back to that place again.

I don’t know fo writing this will help at all I truth. I don’t think it has really done much at all but at least I am putting this somewhere. Not that it is read anymore by any of the people who used to, and that is a good thing. That means they have either got better in their lives or moved past this POS situation.

This is whiney shit like I said last time, but this is my little carved out space to vent rather than go do this at a person who probably doesn’t understand and has more important shit to deal with than a full grown adult unable to handle life and the state that it is in right now.

Fuck it. Fuck it all.