Feelings of Inadequacy

Today I’ve been struggling at work. I’ve been having some problems at work with senior management where I was basically publicly slut shamed, but that is another story for another time.

Today I have had my work checked by my seniors and they found so many mistakes. Some of them were big ones, but there were lots of smaller ones which was what annoyed me more. Small, simple, stupid mistakes. Not linking the formula to the right cell so the data pulled through is incorrect. Not checking simple little things. Things I should check but I didn’t.

I was planning to put my name forward for the senior position which will be becoming available on my team soon. My peers have been encouraging me, both externally and internally, but when I keep making mistakes like these, how can I justify it? How can I go to my manager and say I deserve this chance, when I’m making simple rookie errors that should not be made at all.

Also found out my ex has a new boyfriend which is wonderful for her, but leaves me once again feeling like I’m coming up short. Granted I have not put myself out there looking, but the last two relationships I have had weren’t with me looking, they just happened organically; friends becoming more than friends.

Am I good enough professionally? Probably not right now, but maybe in the future. Am I good enough personally? Probably not, because if you can’t love yourself, how can you give anything to anyone else?

On the plus side, the new Panic! At the Disco album is brilliant. Big fan of it, if you haven’t given it a spin, you should do so post haste.