I cannot do anything right.  At all.

Background: I have just got promoted, sort of, to the same job at a larger store.  I have a new guy who has come in at the same level as me and he is 19.  at 26 this is not how I saw my life.  He is loud and incredibly camp, and it is really grating on me.

Don’t get it twisted here.  I am not homophobic.  I could not have worked where I have, nor got through my life without being tolerant of everyone and everything around me.  What I can’t deal with is the out and out, obnoxiously loud, in your face, everything defining who I am is based in my sexuality, camp ways this kid has.

Work is also leading to me getting into trouble there.  I have had two sit down conversations since I have walked in nearly a month ago which have been written and recorded in my file.  I have not had any positive feedback whatsoever on my work, just criticism or just no comment whatsoever.  I work my balls off at work and I feel absolutely nothing is being recognised.  I feel like I am just another cog in a machine which doesn’t really want me there.  A useless cog.

My girlfriend is trying to be as supportive as she can but she is getting annoyed at me too.  Work rearranges my shifts and I just go and do the shifts.  I got to the position I am in now because of the fact that I always say yes.  If it needs to be done I will do it, no questions asked.  That is the reason I have progressed in the way that I have.  I always say yes and I am at 100% go from the moment I walk in the door to the moment I walk out.

Now that I have a girlfriend I now have a semblance of a social life.  I keep bailing on events because I have to work another shift or because I have to be up super early (like SUPER early) to get to work in the morning.  It is effecting her and I have apologised and told her to go to her events anyway.  I am there only because I am your boyfriend, not because they care. They are your friends not mine.  I have had hits on “our” time as well, both regular and intimate, and that is a strain more for her than me.  I just deal with what I have and try not to drown in a sea of shit.

So I go to work and I feel useless, then I come home and feel inadequate and like my girlfriend is not happy with me.  We bicker, she gets annoyed that I cannot remember her rota, and I am never available to be sociable.  I can barely remember my own rota, remembering someone elses is too much.  As for the social aspect, I am not a sociable person.  In honesty I don’t event think I am a nice person, but there we go.

TL:DR I feel useless and inadequate in both my work “professional” life and my home “personal” life.  I am just one big fuck up.

MMS