I am pushing my girlfriend away. Yesterday we ended on a bad note and I didn’t bother to reply to her text message where she finally saw that I am actually an arsehole at times. Today she didn’t text me all day and when she did in the evening when I theoretically would have finished work on a normal day I was short, and told her I am going to stop talking to her before I snap at her. It wasn’t personal, it is just I knew I would. I could almost guarantee it.
I finally sat down with my stepfather after giving him another £500 to find out what is going on with the home finances. I looked at his income and my mothers, as well as mine, the outgoings which we could not push and were fixed every month like mortgages and insurance, and the variable costs. My finance brain went in and my step dad was surprised at how I approached everything in the way that I did. I told him in no uncertain terms that I have handed over well over £3000 in the last 4 months, and that I need to know how deep a hole we are in, and what can be done so that moving forward that can make it better. Effectively, I need to cut my spending down and give them more.
I have got my brother a job at the place I work. It is a temp contract and he only has 5.5 hrs, but I will be flexing him up to at least 20 whenever I can. I found out he has been giving my parents money as well. He shouldn’t be. He is studying and that should be his focus, not what is going on here.
Today at work I had the head of retail operations in. He is one of the most influential people in the company. If I had to hear my deputy manager (who I went and had dinner with the night before and she was lovely) tell one more story about how wonderful she is, or how well traveled or spiritual she is I was going to take the stapler and puncture my carotid artery. She was absolutely doing my nut. My store manager is already good friends with him so she didn’t need to impress, and I concentrated more on my job than on impressing him, so that meant I was barely noticed. Not good for networking, but great for…well fuck all other than proving I am a reasonable supervisor. Completed nothing of note whatsoever today, and it ended up being a 09:00-20:00 day, with my leaving home at 08:00 and returning at 21:15. To say I am fucking shattered is an understatement.