You’ve Got A Bitch Streak. I Like That

I forgot to talk about the new girl who started yesterday where I work.  I walked in and found one of the bosses talking to her.  She turned around in her chair and flashed me a smile and my first thought was “Not bad, he did well hiring this one, she looks exactly like the kind of person who would work for this company”

After a while he came over to me and asked me to show her a few things, as well as explain a few procedures.  I said fine and he went off to do some things and I got chatting to her.  She is a recent graduate with a degree in German and International Business, did a year in industry with a massive bank and has 3 siblings.  Broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years who is a bodybuilder and works for an international tech firm; she had a “fuck-a thon” (direct quote here) post breakup but has not really found anyone after him.  Lives in a good area near me, has a strong degree, well spoken but you hear her slip every now and again and could tell she put it on for certain people and had a much more relaxed tone generally.

So from that description you can tell I spent about 45 seconds explaining procedure, and about 25 minutes data mining this woman.  At 22 she has done quite a lot, but is finding her feet now, so needs money while she does that, and this is a good company to do that in.  Her father and brother work for big finance firms and judging from her shoes, jewellery, handbag and coat, this chick has seriously expensive taste.  Her type is also 6 foot plus built guys with money, so guaranteed high maintenance.

This is turning into a bio on her, which is amusing because I didn’t even hit on her.  This was so far out of my league it was like trying to throw a stone and break a window on the 50th floor when you are on the ground.  No chance.  What amused me though was she was a little flirty.  I was doing some paperwork and she came over and started talking to me.  I continued conversation and asked her

“By the way, what do you like to be called?”

“I prefer XXX, but spelt with a double D…”

That comment took every ounce of me not to look up and stare at her rack/make a comment there

“…Although you can call me whatever you like”

At which point I did look up and she had this smile on her face.  She was seeing how I would react.  To which I responded:

“Dangerous proposition sweetheart, I have a very wild imagination”

We continued to chat while I worked and we got back onto her ex.  I asked about what broke them up and the floodgates opened.  Got the whole story, and got her reactions and her post relationship  actions afterwards as well.  After hearing what she had said/done afterwards (which I completely agreed with) I said:

“You’ve got a vindictive side haven’t you? Did not peg you to have that with the cute innocent look you have going on.” and walked away to get some stuff before she had a chance to respond.  I returned and she was smiling and said:

“I’m not vindictive! That is just how I reacted, it’s not that bad”

I laughed and could see she really had no clue how devastating some of the things she said could have been.

“You have a bitch streak. I like that.  We will get along just fine.”

Before she left for the day I got her phone number and got my colleague to escort her out.  When my colleague came back one of the other bosses walked in and we had a chat about the things I will need to do on November 6th when several big wigs are coming from head office and they want me to be there to make sure everything runs smoothly.  Conversation came round to how the new girl settled in on her first day and she goes to me:

“You’re crushing on her aren’t you?”

“Nope, I am trying to set up XYZ with her in honesty.  He is much more her type.”

She just looked at me and says “Yeah….sure.  She prefers you.  Watching you two interact, she likes you more than him, but she clearly has a fiery side to her, watch yourself”

“Oh I know she does, I got a rundown of some of the things she has got up to, she is feisty.  She will be just fine”

My bosses face was classic.  She has never heard me talk about the opposite sex before, and after a lengthy discussion on “Pearl Necklaces” she went on her way.

I think the new hires coming in will be interesting.  Two new girls in 5 days, and more to come yet.  New blood is always entertaining.  I just hope they got at least one guy in there too, or it will end up again with 4 guys and 15 girls….which has its perks, but some real down sides too.


Onerepublic and Clearout

I have had this running in my head the last few days and I quite like it, it is a great song.

Today I have work to do, but not at work.  So what am I doing? I am going through my wardrobe and clearing out all my old clothes.  I have a kids wardrobe and a built in small one.  The kids one basically just has my shirts in, and going through it, half of my shirts are going.  The built in is a third mine, a third my mums and a third of my uncles stuff which he cannot keep in his flat.  Got rid of about 30 items from there and I am still going.  By the time I finish I will have basically no clothes left.  I only have about 4 jumpers I would actually wear outside left.  Unless for work, I basically never buy any clothes.  I just save and save and save.  No wonder by biggest expenditure after train tickets and food is alcohol.  My limited social life revolves around me imbibing alcohol to the point I throw up and then regret it the next day.  That sounds so healthy when written down.

I seem to be purging so many aspects of my life.  I have ditched friends, I have cleared out clothes, I have decided to no long associate with titles which were given to me like “crazy” and “nuts” because I am not that guy anymore.  If this blog was an animate object it should be quivering in its’ boots, because at the rate I am going, it will be next.

I am removing these parts of my life, but I am not replacing them in any way.  I have not gained new peers or new character traits.  I have however got a few new shirts which I will need for the wedding I will be going to in just under a month.  I should be adding to my repertoire as a person.  I haven’t played my guitar in a very long time, maybe I should pick that bad boy up again.   Maybe write more, and not just blogging, but creative pieces.  Maybe I should just get a life.

I suppose I better get back to it, I have plenty to do today, and I haven’t even gone in the loft yet, or gone to town as I need some bits to carry on with my work.  It is already midday.  Ever wonder what is the point in it all? Today, I really have no idea what I am getting up for.  I do, to do the boring day to day that I have to, to work, and to rinse and repeat tomorrow and probably for the rest of my dismal and disappointing days.  Hey look, alliteration! I can be a literary genius and depressive at the same time.  Call me Silvia Plath.  But not female, or a lesbian, or dead.


F*ck Your Pity

Do you know what is annoying as hell? That look people give you.

“Oh you’re single? It’s ok, there is someone out there for you”

F*ck you.  Do you know how irritating it is to deal with that?

“Will you be bringing a plus one to the Christmas meal? Oh wait you are single right, never mind, I shouldn’t have asked”


I see couples every single day at work.  It is part of my job that I have to interact with people, and the environment I am in attracts a higher number of them than in standard scenarios.  Every day I go to work and I see them.  I chat to married people and their children, new couples, established couples, people picking something up for their other half, people trying to impress their other half, people cementing their relationships.  I see couples all day.  That is a little irksome to my mind, but I can chat to these people and I don’t need to delve into my personal life.  Keep it nice and superficial, smile, get the sale and say goodbye.  No problem.

It comes down to my work colleagues who are all in relationships.  One has gone on maternity leave, one is pregnant, all of them except me and one other guy are single.

“Oh you have been single two years? That is a long time”

“Indeed, but I have dated a few girls, just nothing really worked out”

Something I tell people to get them off my back, but I know that the girls I dated were never truly going to work out.  The girls I hit on will never truly work out.  The girls I think about will never truly pan out.  They are pipe dreams.  I am fully aware of the dismally desert like state of my love life.  I am painfully aware of it.

Don’t get it twisted, I have tried online dating, and that went no where.  Absolutely no where at all.

I have been unattached for nearly two years now.  Guess what the conversation of topic in my family house is? When it is not in argument it is in unison.

“You’re nearly 25 MMS, you should be getting married soon.  Look for a wife, look hard, you’re getting older now”

You think I am joking here, I am not.  I am deadly serious.

What? Is being single some sort of disease? Is it some sort of horrible affliction which must be cured by administration of a partner to the cardiovascular and groin area immediately?

You know what is the worst part? When you see people you KNOW you are better looking than get some.  That really grinds my gears.  I know a guy who has the personality of a plank of wood.  He has a significant other.  ARE YOU SH!TTING ME SON?! How does Plank manage to get some and I don’t?!

Wow, not it sounds like I am self pitying jackass and oh woe is me, everyone else I know has a partner and I don’t, boo hoo.

Well I guess that is the case then, isn’t it.  I am single, I am not proud of it, but that is the state of affairs I have.  Single, and to my recent discovery introverted.  I spent the weekend with people, and I couldn’t wait to be alone again and not be on show.  Probably had something to do with they are engaged and all lovey dovey and s*it.

Not my usual eloquent post, but then I am hardly a wordsmith, or someone who has any talent remotely.  I use my grasp of the english language to express myself, badly most of the time, but I attempt it.  This post could basically be described as F*ck Your Pity.  I think I just found my title.



I love eyes. My eyes are one of my favourite features. They change colour so I have been told, and yesterday was the first time I saw it.

Yesterday I looked in the mirror before going to sleep and they were the lightest brown I have even seen. They were a shade I have never seen. So light it kind of creeped me out. I just stared at then for a few minutes. Trying to think how to describe it, it was very light brown, to the point it was almost tan.

This morning I woke up and looked at them again, and they were the polar opposite; almost black. That I have seen before, and is apparently when my mood turns. My eyes reflect my mood, and apparently I’m in a dark one.

Maybe because my weekend is over
Maybe because I have to go back to hard work again.
Maybe because reality being suspended temporarily for the weekend I have had is coming to a close.
But the storm is coming.

That is metaphorically and meteorologically. The weather is predicted to be horrible on Monday morning, and I will have have lots of physical work to do which will be my savioir. Can get some grunt work done and work it out.

Physicality is my saviour. If I had to sit all day to work I wouldn’t be able to do it. Even going to the gym of an evening wouldn’t be the same as the fix I can get whenever I need it at work more or less.
Bring on the week bitch, you’re mine.



A friend of mine went to a sex show today, and she was completely shocked, and in some ways, appalled by what she saw.

She was expecting something a little more hands off, with the “show” part being the main attraction, but the “sex” part was the bit which she was lost in.

Burlesque was being performed which she was ok with. Then there were swingers rooms, which is where she became more uncomfortable. Then came the guy head to toe in leather with horse effects and pulling his owner in a cart while she cracked her whip. That was too much for her.

She said “this is some real 50 shades stuff I saw”. I laughed at that, because that is trash literature. She also saw some people who were indulging in what is called pet play, and asking people to pet them like a cat or dog, and feed them treats. She completely couldn’t handle that and thought they were nuts and couldn’t comprehend how someone could be into that. She saw a f*cking machine and sex swings set up and talking to her, she had her mind blown,and not in a good way.

I feel sorry that she could not appreciate that there are as many different sexual preferences as there are people on this earth, and that they should be allowed to express themselves as long as it is not endangering anyone. She came away from it having seen more, but not having really learnt anything about other people, or herself other than “no way is that me”. I suppose that was the only positive outcome of that adventure for her, which is a real damn shame I feel. A real shame.


Possessive Tendencies

I have been known to possess possessive tendencies.  They are not in the creepy “you are mine and you cannot see your friends or have any other friends but me” way.  They are more the “you are mine and I am yours” kind of possession.

I wrote a post called My Ring and it is all about the gold ring that I wear every day.  It was given to me on my 18th birthday and has my first initial engraved on it.  Every male in my family has one, given to them by the next oldest male.  My father is a bit of a dick, so my uncle bought mine for me.  My brother turns 18 next year, so I will be buying his for that occasion.  This post links because it shows how my family are possessive of me, being part of who we are and keeping traditions alive.  I am possessive of it because it is who I am.  I am my family; both the good and the bad parts.

I wrote another post called My Symbol Of Commitment which is much more relevant to the possessive tendencies which I have entitled this post.  This post talks about how I would wear a ring from my partners on my ring finger of my right hand to wear as I constant reminder of my other half.  I always bought them a diamond ring which they wore as a symbol of their commitment to me, and also a constant reminder that I am there with them in spirit, even when not in body.

A girl I dated once got a different symbol of commitment from me.  I took the chain from my neck and wrapped it around her wrist twice.  It fitted perfectly, and she wore it there for the remainder of our partnership.  It was my way of being with her all the time, reminding her that I was with her supporting her, even in her darkest moments.

My first girlfriend also wore a silver identity bracelet, which had my name engraved on it.  I have no idea where that bracelet it now, but I remember her father saying to her “you realise that he owns you now right?”  It is amusing to think back to how even when I was 15, 9 years ago now, I was doing things like that.

Thinking back on this, it is unsurprising how certain character traits within me have become more predominant as I have got older, and will probably continue to grow with me as I do.  This post was prompted by seeing a ring on a strangers finger while getting my train home, and I will be writing more about that in a password protected post here. (when I get round to writing it)



Feeling Placid, Marriage and Love

I am feeling rather placid this evening.  I don’t know why but I just feel incredibly calm, but to the point I am almost sad. While I journeyed home I listened to this song repeatedly.

I just felt so calm and a little emotional while listening to this, walking in the dark past at least one drug transaction and multiple nefarious looking individuals.  It seemed like such a stark contrast; the dark and horrible night walk home infront of me, and the beautiful imagery of seeing a woman standing at the end of the aisle waiting for me to say “I Do” in my mind.

I am pretty certain I want this song played at my wedding, if I am ever fortunate enough to get married.  I don’t know if I ever will, not because I don’t think I will ever meet someone, but because I am not sure I believe in the sanctity of marriage.  My parents are divorced, my step parents have both said to me they want to divorce my blood parents, one the day before her daughters/my sisters wedding. In my family I have not seen one truly successful marriage.

I can fathom that I can pour my heart and soul into someone and love them completely for everything they are, but I am not sure that I can say that someone will be able to do the same to me.  I have a tendency to fall hard.  I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, I have always tried to be as open as I can about myself with those I love (friends and partners) but there are still always things I hold back, for their safety and for my shame/own protection in some cases.

Someone once said “MMS’s past is so full of hate he is incapable of love”.  She is both right and wrong.  There was a fair few bad things in my past, but they will not forever mould me.  I am capable of great compassion and love, I just do not know when I will ever truly be able to express it, or share it with someone.  Everyone has that special someone in their lives, and I seem to have a void in mine.

This is not me upset about being a single man in his mid 20’s; I have plenty of time, it is just me feeling a little sad and a little lonely.  I have done my 11 hours and I have a rest day tomorrow which I intend to relax with.  I cannot sleep like this because I am certain my dreams will be so melancholic i will wake up in an awful mindframe, so I am going to attempt to distract myself with some television shows.

More than anything right now, I just want a hug.  A really big hug from someone telling me that I am alright.  I don’t have to have it all figured out right now; I will get there eventually, but for now, in this moment in time, I am alright.


Sex Talk

My colleagues at work today happened to be all female. All of them are attractive and in relationships, but they are all flirts. Annoyingly they decided they were going to stand together and chat, occasionally doing their jobs, while I worked away. At one point of one of the girls raised the point:

“why is MMS up for a promotion and I’m not. He has been here 4 months and ive been here 8”

Before I could even respond one of the other girls said:

“Have you seen him? He works front and back, he is always going, he can sell and he is aware of everything going on. You can sell, but he can do that and does more. That’s why he is up and you’re not”

Her response:

“well he tries, I used to try but I can’t be bothered anymore “

That, my dear, is why you will not be promoted.

They also decided to talk about sex and their sex lives. That, was seriously interesting to listen to. They didn’t ask me anything, because they know I’m very guarded about my sex life and my personal life with them. But it was hilarious to listen to theirs. It was so… Boring. I mean these are all hot girls. All of them and their amorous actives were so… Vanilla and boring. I mean, like none of them had even had sex outside!  Come on, everyone has done that!

Pretty certain if I had contributed I would have sounded like a whore, but I’m not. I just enjoy experimenting and having fun…there has only been one thing I have said no to in the years I have been sexually active, and it is reasonable for me to have said no to it if I were to say what it was.

Just had a very sexual conversation with a friend of mine. She does love slipping in and out of things ;). That girl knows how to wind a man up. I could have a great deal of fun with her, she is just brilliant, and so easy to compliment. From what she says, she’s a cracker in bed too, but I think I’ve done more than her too, and she has pretty extensive sexperience.

Well I had better get on before I get too distracted.


Pick Your Poison


This is interesting. I read all 4 and knew which one I wanted. In honesty I think most people would go for the same one as me. Unless they were seriously ill mentally or physically.

It was between yellow and purple for me. Yellow being time rewind and purple being mind reading while touching or eye contact. I would go for purple.

Can you imagine the amount of fun I could have with that?! I would completely have the female masses down. Before you even go there, yes I have seen What Women Want starring Mel Gibson, and yes, he is good, but I would be better.

For starters I would not have to deal with a hormonal teenage daughter (thankfully) because I am terrified of the idea of having a daughter. Sons only please if I ever am lucky enough to have children. Secondly, mind reading while working in a competitive sales environment. Oh please I would destroy.

I like to read body language a great deal and use my own to calculate how susceptible people are to influence. The more susceptible, the more I can make them buy. It sounds like I am morally corrupt, but  do take into account what they are wearing, how they are acting, and what they have with them (Mulberry handbag or Longchamp for example, or if I see a genuine Chloe then I go for the big kill) I am not morally bereft, I know when to stop.

Can you imagine what giving someone who loves to read people’s actions the ability to read people’s minds would do?  I would be dangerous as hell, and not in the murderous way, as in the manipulative get people to do what I want kind of way.

Ok, so that might lead to a little murderous…. Maybe there is a psychopath in me after all, I just need to let him lose on the female population. Now to become more attractive to the opposite sex and maybe I will have a shot…..

Anyway, my powers of mind control would be used for sex, manipulation of sales, making me rich, and more sex.

Oh to wander the mind of a woman… I often wonder what goes on in there. Bet there is some utter filth that would be fantastic fun!

What would you chose? Answers on the back of a postcard, or posted below as well is acceptable. I want at least two responses. Or I will find those who didn’t, and I will make you answer me…. One way or another 😉