What Is This Blog Anymore?

What the hell is this blog anymore?

Is it a medium to talk to random people on the internet?

It sure as hell isn’t very therapeutic anymore as I don’t write on it as often as I used to.  Maybe it is an ego trip, or was one as I used to look at the stats (and still do) regularly to see who has been looking, where they are from, how they found me etc…

Maybe I should write about sex and then I will get millions of views, feel validated in my own self worth and then feel like I am successful at something?

Maybe I should start a brand new blog, and just write whatever to no one again?  just me shouting at the world with no one listening.

Maybe I should just stop blogging altogether and give on on this thing.  I mean what is it really for (uh oh, I think we have gone circular here)

Why the hell do I write on here anymore.  What is the point of it all? Why can’t I just work this shit out?

Papa Roach – Between Angels And Insects. I’m angry

You know that feeling where your jaw starts to clench and you can feel it starting to hurt your molars? When yours shoulders lock out and tense and your hands ball into fists? Your walk becomes more purposeful, hour strides longer, your gait more aggressive? Where you feel that your eyes are not warm and friendly but cold and fixed, not to mention bloodshot. Do you know that feeling?

Do you know the feeling going right out of your way to help people and then getting criticised? It is not even your place, yet you go beyond what you are needed to and help, just to be told nothing? Do you ever feel like you are just used for your capabilities and then just ignored, only to be used again when needed? Key word there being used.

Today can take a running jump.

everything is nothing.
And emptiness is in everything,
This reality is really just a f*cked up dream,
With the flesh and the blood that you call your soul,
Turn it inside out it’s a big black hole.

MMS

Kids React to Controversial Cheerios Commercial

This is a little series which I watch by The Fine Brothers.  They do Kids React, Teens React and Elders React.  Recently they have also started doing YouTubers React as well.  Usually they are about funny things, but sometimes they hit on more hard hitting subjects which they feel the need to bring to the fore.  In a way educating children about the realities of the world and helping them to understand what goes on is a fantastic and admirable idea, but the question comes in about the age.

This video is about a simple advert for a cereal, but due to the fact that it depicts a mixed race family it has caused uproar and there has been a slew of prejudice and hatred coming from it.  I sound like I am sensationalising it, but I really am not.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with mixed race marriages.  I see nothing wrong with mixed race relationships.  I see nothing wrong with races mixing at all. Every girl I have ever dated has been of a different race to me.  I have dated girls who were mixed race in themselves.  Ultimately you should love irrespective of colour or gender as far as I am concerned.

It makes me smile how the children here had no clue what was “wrong” with the advert at all, and upon being told were all upset and surprised by the notion of it all.  It gives me hope that there will be a time without this kind of thing going on.  I mean the whole Trayvon Martin case in America and the new light coming to the fore over the Stephen Lawrence case just shows that even now, race really is something which is taken into account and still bothers people to this day.

It truly saddens me.  They innocence of these children and their acceptance makes me really have hope for the future.  My generation are pretty tolerant, but still there is hatred like this in the world.  I hope that this intolerance eventually fades away, and the sooner the better with this particular one.  Live freely, love freely and be happy.

MMS

MMS Methods Of Recognising Alcohol Influence

These are the ways in which I recognise that I am under the influence of the evil yet pleasurable ways of alcohol.

1. My traps hurt – for those who do not know what “traps” are they are the trapezium muscles located in the shoulders etween the shoulders and the neck.  When I find mine are incredibly sore it means I have been tensing for an extended period of time, causing pain and an early/already in progress warning that I am heading towards being drunk.

2. Lowering of standards – I was having a lovely conversation with a red lipped dark haired vixen at the bar before I got distracted by other things.  Upon reflection the two vixens I engaged with were in fact less vixen and more 40ish women with self esteem issues/possible cougars.

3. Chasing of women – There were multiple women with red lipstick (don’t ask, lipstick is a weakness of mine, especially red when teamed with pale skin) and I found myself drawn to a few whom I conversed with.  Lovely ladies and a nice bit of conversation, but funnily enough, I did not pursue further, regardless of signs otherwise.

4. Liberal attitude towards money – I am a generous person by nature, but when socially lubricated I become even more so.  I offer to buy rounds without expecting one to be bought for me, buy my friends shots and jager without question and imbibe alcohol in shot forms which is always a bad idea for me.

5. Code switching –  My language is prone to changing.  It can raise and become far more eloquent (or pseudo intellectual when around people, giving the impression to some that I am far more intelligent than I truly am) or go very street ( liberal use of the words “bruv”, “mate” and “you get me yeah”.”) May also include speaking French terribly in an attempt to impress the oppposite sex (linked to 2 and 3).

6. Regret – The process of looking back upon certain actions/moments in recent (or not so) times and over analysing them unnecessarily. Tonight this included talking about a mutual friend and the very fact I brought them up in conversation triggered many thoughts which were not appropriate.

—//—

This is all I can think of currently at 1:30 am post engagement party.  It took the groom to be all of 3 minutes to get a Budwiser in my hands and his brother all of 10 minutes to get me to go into town afterwards for more alcohol and chilling at a venue with pool, daing  and reasonably attractive women.  Low standards much MMS.  Atttribute that to whatver you will, I had fun. I will regret the ingestion of alcohol tomorrow when hungover and not in a good mental place, but at the time it is a whole lot of fun.

MMS

Birthdays and Changes

Today is my brothers birthday.  Happy 17th Kiddo.  I love you.

Today I helped my stepdad sort out the car as the battery was dead.  We are unsure whether or not the alternator is gone or the battery is dead.  Also fun fact the battery in a BMW 330 is not under the bonnet where you expect it to be.  Oh no, it is in the boot under the driver’s side indicators.  That is correct; the battery is in the back of the car.  It threw me massively.

As my brothers 17th present (one of, he got a few little things) he got his first driving lesson paid for by my stepdad.  That was a nice little surprise for him.  He enjoyed himself and is looking forward to carrying on with his lessons.  As he has no job I am guessing that my parents/I am going to pay for all his lessons.  I bought him his provisional licence as a present anyway, so I guess he will be doing it that way.

I went for a walk today as well.  From 2PM until 4:05PM I walked and I basically did not stop.  It was really good as it was 1. Exercise and 2. My daily dose of vitamin D which is always good for boosting your mood.

I thought about what my life was like last year while I walked (partially because I was signing up with a new gym as it is closer and cheaper as I need to get back into it again).  Last year I:

  • Regularly went to the gym
  • Was basically unemployed
  • Was about 1 stone heavier (but it was muscle not fat)
  • Seeing someone
  • Much more physically fit
  • Had skins (very short haircut, think how US Marines look, that was similar but shorter on top)
  • Drinking minimum once a week
  • Happier (to an extent)

The last point is the most important one here.  I was happier.  I think the main two things that made me happier were the fact I had the attention of a lovely lady and that I had a great deal more body confidence.  Now, I am happier now as I am earning money so that I can fund activities/save towards a big purchase, but that is in a different way.  I want some of the happiness from my past in my present.  This is why I have re-joined up at a new gym.

I think that by doing so I will be able to boost my body confidence, boost my self-confidence, improve my health, improve my mind, and use it as a stress relief.  Also, with my severe lack of sex life (albeit I have not been trying, but that said, I am not a one-night-stand kind of guy (see here)) I think I can use this as a method of relieving tension.  Arnold Schwarzenegger was quoted a long time ago during his bodybuilding days to have said a good workout session is better than sex.  I can remember some of my best sessions and the burn was amazing and I loved it, but I loved the high of a good session more, so that is what I want again.

I got my brother 2 x £50 notes.  He has never had one and I felt that everyone should have at least one in their lives, so I gave him two.  He was rather happy about it when I gave him his card this morning.  £50’s are not super common, but I think they look cool as they are bigger than standard notes and they are red.

We are heading off to Nando’s for a little bit of birthday dinner with the family and my brothers girlfriend.  A little bit of a double standard again as I never went to dinner with my girlfriends and my family as I was made to do those as separate events.  I just have got to the point where I have accepted the fact that my brother will always get an easier ride than I have through life, but I didn’t have a big brother who would be the tester child for the entire generation of the family so I guess he is just luckier.  Better stop this before it starts to sound bitter!

MMS

Meg Turney For Days

So hot. So very hot.  Doesn’t have as southern an accent as I would adore, but she is crazy smart, a massive geek, a cosplayer, super cute and did I mention that she recently went to Japan and bought this??

I know they are school girl outfits in Japan, but do you see the little thing she is doing the the skirt and the hand and the lean and the knee and the pale skin and the red hair and the sexiness?

Words…lacking…bisexual….sexiness….nom.

Link here to another post where I salivate over her like a dog.  I forgot how crazy filthy she is in this.  Ohhh duuudddeeee…..ohhh dammmnnn…….

I am a disgusting human I know.  Objectifying women and demeaning them.  Eurgh I am so Horrible. WRONG MOTHERF***ER! She is crazy crazy smart as well as FOINE (yes I said fine with an accent).  I am a sapiosexual and proud.

DEAL WIT IT BRUV

MMS

F***

F*** you, I won’t do what you tell me, MotherF***er,
I will not bend and I will not stutter,
I made my decisions and I made my mark,
Against my skin they stand out dark,
Within my mind they are proud and bold,
Containing stories which will never be told,
I hold secrets which may never be spoken
You cannot breach me, I cannot be broken.

F*** you and your rules,
F*** you and your lines.
F*** you and your “advice”,
F*** you and your “help”.
F*** you and your “kindness”,
F*** you and your “love”.
F*** you and your “friendship”.
F*** you and your trust.

F*** you, I won’t do what you tell me, motherf***er

MMS

AMA: Ask Me Anything

I feel hot and bothered (not in the good way) and feel a little confused.  So what should I do? I should invite complete strangers to ask me questions about myself and I will attempt to answer them honestly.  Surely that seems like a good idea right?

Yep, so here we go.  This will be my second AMA and in truth I am expecting maybe 1 or 2 responses at absolute best.  I thought to myself  “who actually gives a damn and will ask you questions, you have a limited viewership, you do not advertise your blog and you are pretty boring in honesty.  Who gives a damn?!”

If I get some questions it will be a nice little ego boost, if not, well it shows I am writing this really just for me, which ultimately what I should be doing right? This is for me to purge and make sense, so reagrdless of whether people are reading or not this is my tool and I should use it as an implement for improvement rather than a crutch.

Done and done.  Ask me stuff, or don’t.

MMS