Release From Earthly Bonds

Just saw this photo and my mind is completely blown.  This is one hell of a photographic depiction of the release some people can feel through suicide.

I saw this and I just stopped and stared at it for over a minute just working it out and letting the idea really sink in.  This is both sad and insightful.

Hope you are all well out there.  If not I send you my love and hugs.



Sex Music

Now, Marvin Gaye’s original of this song is so sexual it should come with contraception with every purchase.  This cover though…oh my…how you doing Netty 😉



Wowzer, These Accapella Peoples be DOPE!

This is the first song that caught my attention as a friend of mine shared it on FaceBook

It was about 10 seconds before I recognised the black guy in the bottom right corner was a guy I have been subscribed to for the last year or so.  He is an an incredible Cellist and beatboxer!! His channel can be seen here

Then I found this!

I have an obsession with Thrift Shop.  Like an actual obsession, I am pretty certain it is unhealthy.  This is incredible though!

Hope y’all like it.  Yeah, I put some southern on it, how y’all like that!



1 Year Anniversary

As the title suggests this is the 1 year anniversary of my blog. It is not the official one, which is somewhere in early November, but the one that matters to me.

This post I wrote on May 4th 2012 was the day after one of my closest friends birthday. I wrote about how it was, what happened and what effect the night had on me. This post was a start of me really starting to blog, really utilising this blog as more of a social format and really using it to order my thoughts and say the things I cannot always verbalise.

In this 365 day period I have:

*Got a new job
*Blogged regularly
*Learnt more about myself
*Experimented with new ideas
*Made some great new friends
*Had some crushing lows
*Had some incredible highs
*Been to France
*Got drunk, but not as often as expected
*Helped another close friend move into/renovate and redecorate his very first home with his partner
*Lost my last living blood grandparent
*Watched my sister get married
*Read to someone until they fell asleep
*Bought myself swords
*Signed up with CIMA
*Been the fittest I have ever been (but not right now, early June/July 2012)
*Tried to further my career and failed
*Not given up on trying to further my career
*Seen some things that completely changed my perceptions
*Watched my cousins Confirmation
*Been to Manchester, Brighton, London, Paris, Canterbury, Cambridge and Oxford
*Put my tongue in places I probably shouldn’t
*stayed awake for 30 hours (PB 40)
*Drank my first latte (thanks Lyn :))
*Been there for my friends when they needed me
*cat-sat for a friend for a week

This may not be a great deal to some people, but to me it is quite an achievement. I put the positives and negatives in the list because they are both important. Life is not just all good, but bad as well. We need bad so that we can really appreciate the good, and I know that both of them have had an effect on me.

I have made it through the year safe and (reasonably) sane. I have become a better person (if a little more peculiar) and I have affected peoples lives in a positive way. I think I would call this a good year really overall.

Here’s to another one Netty, hopefully things will just keep getting better and better.

Peace, Love and Happiness to each and every single one of you. You, every single person who has read my blog, liked, commented or followed have made a difference to me. You are all incredible out there. All of you.

My Mental Stream

Question For You All

This is not some cry for help or anything sad and depressive like normal, but more a satisfaction of my curiosity.

What is your opinion on Manscaping??

For those who don’t know it is the trimming/general upkeep/removal of all hair in the gentleman region. I ask as I am curious if this is a common occurrence among men, and what women think of it/preferences. I’ve had conversations with guys about it and it was 50/50. Let’s put it to you Netty and see what you have to say.


50 Shades Conversation

So I had a fascinating conversation with a woman just before finishing work today. After a little chit chat I asked her why her handbag was so heavy. Her response

“Well I have three books in here. 50 Shades of Grey, you may have heard of it”

Now I could not help but laugh at this point because of course I have heard of them, and my response was

“Indeed I have, but don’t believe everything you read in those things, there is much more to it than those books let on. Much much more”

She looked completely surprised. I am guessing it is because I am a guy that she hadn’t expected me to have read it. She is a nurse who specialises in dealing with the elderly suffering with Dementia and Parkinson’s Disease. What really made this conversation so interesting is that she was far more interested in the mental side of it than the physical. We briefly discussed the physical side, but we mainly focussed on the mental aspects behind it. It was interesting because she thought there must be a fair bit of trauma involved in a great deal of these cases to draw them into the scene.

I disagreed and explained a couple of different ideas to her. There are a few who could have some of their choices and tastes linked back to previous events in their lives, but that does not necessarily means the minority speaks for the majority. I believe this is the case in a variety of different situations though, not just this one.

I said to her to watch a film called “The Secretary” starring Maggie Gyllenhaal. It may not be the best example in the world of BDSM, but I found it fascinating to show how dominance and submission in daily life and bleed into a sexual nature. It also displayed a great deal of the mental side of it as well, not always explicitly, but as a subtext. The ending to me was quite shocking initially, but the more I learnt the more it made sense to me. It was the ultimate show of submission; she was his obeyed him absolutely.

I digress though. This lady told me some interesting stories of clients, her history and how she had become a carer and nurse in her mid 40’s after feeling the need to really push her nurturing nature. A smile spread across my face when I heard that. I feel that way as well, but I got the impression we would be opposite sides of the coin in that sense. She was a really lovely and when it turned out I also liked reading peoples body language as well, I swear I saw her eyes light up. Sadly our time ran out as I had to run and she had a train to catch, but that was a really insightful conversation. We could have talked for a whole lot longer but time constraints can be a nightmare.
I would like to think I have changed her mind on a few things, the way my mind was changed the more I read and learn. I hope she follows her dreams and explores the ideas more so her knowledge base grows. She seemed like a very intelligent woman, I’m sure she will. I wonder if we will ever cross paths again, I’m sure it would be very fun to have another talk with her


I Want To Write

I really want to write. I want to write something, my brain is telling me to be creative and write and be awesome but Lady Muse has done a runner and left me standing here.

Why do, when I name things, they always end up being female? Netty, Lady Muse, my laptop, (just call it “her” or “she”). I wonder what kind of analysis could be drawn from that? The fact I reference women so often has been psychoanalysed by my friend, as have my proclivities. My up and downs they cannot explain though, but as I have said previously, I call it balance. What goes up must come down. Practically Newtonian. I sounded like Raj from TBBT talking about karma in my head there. Tres amusant.

Je ne comprends pas ma tete. Je ne comprends pas le monde. Je ne comprende pas Francais.

It hurts that that is probably incorrectly congigated, and that there are no accents on my phone, but I felt like doing a little French. So sue me aite.

I spoke really badly yesterday. My colleague didn’t believe I used to speak differently to the standard English I use now. So I switched.

“Wagwan blud. Check that chick yea, peeeennnnggggg ting fam, mans be on dat. Girls backoff be tight man, ima tear that up, you gets me yeah?”

Ok, I never spoke as badly as that, but I exaggerated a little. I do that, so sue me. Give me a few drinks and I slip back into it a little though. “Bruv” gets used liberally and I say “safe” instead of “ok”.

Let’s try some creativity.

Pushing his hands through the sand he felt the burn instantly. The flame underneath the pan kept the temperature up, and guess what? Plunging your hands into hot sand over and over again hurts. But that did not mean he would stop. Every time Sensei called, he did it again. In and out. In and out. Each time with a ki-ai. Muhammed Ali had once said “pain is weakness leaving the body”. Clearly he had a great deal of weakness according to Sensei’s relentless pace. Pledging to train with him and being accepted was an honour. His body was there to be moulded and honed into the best it could be. He would need to be at his best to even qualify. But he would do it. He will win. His families lives depend on it”

Meh, that was ok. Clearly very derivative and cliche. But better than a blank page.

Time to work.


Conversation With My Brother

Brother walks into bedroom

Kid: Phwarr smells like a cat died in here.

Me: Kid, there hasn’t been any p*ssy in here in a long time.

Kid: (laughs) Don’t come in the living room tomorrow morning.

Me: Why, is your lady sleeping there? Isn’t she in your room and you downstairs?

Kid: We both are.

Me: Right, I will be leaving at five to five, I will leave you alone.


I should really talk to my 16 year old brother differently.  I should also not be as blase about all of this as I am.  Such is life.  I was 22 and didn’t have those privileges.  When I was 18 I wasn’t allowed me girlfriend over after 9.  Being the eldest sucks.  Do you believe in karma or fate? Because if I did, I must be a very bad individual, which I am pretty sure I am not.  As for fate, F*ck you Fate, you are predestined to make me feel crappy, well you can kiss my a*se.  Just leave me alone.


Fated To End

If you didn’t already know, which I know you do Netty because I pretty much tell you everything, I believe in balance.  I believe everything balances out; everything is harmonious.  It should come as no surprise to me that I am feeling low then when I have had such a great few days.  I mean I had a fun weekend with my friends, I ate junk food, I interviewed really well, I made some good sales, I got some new subscribers who are not robots and I really felt like I was engaging my brain and myself properly for the first time in a while.  I even admitted when asked about my hobbies that I write.  I didn’t say I blog, but I talked about the stories and the poems and how I may not be very artistic, but I see myself as creative with words rather than a physical medium like charcoal or paint.

It makes sense to me that after such a good run that bad thoughts finally permeate my shield of happiness.  All the thoughts I thought I didn’t need to bother thinking about anymore have come rushing back and concern me.  The fact I have had 2 heart palpitations in the last month while at work which I didn’t mention concerns me.  I was at 280bpm; I have not been that high in at least 6 months.  The fact that I have seen a doctor a few days ago and they have said I had a mild virus and mild tonsillitis which is what attributed to the lump in my throat should have had a damaging effect on me; but I barely noticed other than it being uncomfortable to swallow.  The fact that I saw some of my….proclivities as a bit of a phase but now think they may be more important to me than I care to admit to myself or anyone else.

I met someone today who had entertained royalty of multiple European and British families, had performed at the London Palladium and was great friends with Siegfried and Roy.  He had lived an incredible life and he and I discussed taxation and some of the stories he had during his life.  I was in awe.  He was in his 70’s and openly admitted he was gay to me, something so casually in conversation I barely noticed.  This may be nothing to you, but to me it is something that many who have that inclination are more nervous to admit, but that might be the social stigma which sadly still exists.  He was an incredible man and I shook his hand before he left.

I felt happy then when I met him, and that was after the train post (which I wrote at 5am just didn’t post until after work), but as the day has progressed I just can feel this deterioration.  I guess this means a few days low is acceptable for me, and then afterwards I will be on a high when I visit my friends over the May Day Weekend.  I was really excited for it.  Last night when I saw Iron Man 3 I was excited and happy, today, roughly 24 hours later I feel completely the opposite.