People trust me. I don’t know why or what I say to inspire it into people, but people trust me. This is not me being big headed or arrogant, it is a statement of fact. It is not gender specific either, both women and men have opened up to me and told me their fears and worries, their problems and issues, and asked for my advice or just poured out their hearts to me because I am a good listener.
I do not know why people feel that I am a trustworthy individual. Just because I say what is told to me will go no further doesn’t mean I actually do that. I could be lying, or some sort of devious individual, or a pot stirrer, but people believe that I am someone who will take their secrets and hold them until I die. In reality I am exactly the person people think I am; I will take your secrets guard them as closely as I guard some of my own, never to be spoken of to anyone.
As a visual representation I see myself as an obelisk; a giant stone monument, tall and strong, clearly visible and very powerful. That is how I see myself in the sense of how people can trust me. Each person who entrusts me with their secrets are like climbing hooks which have been screwed into me with the weight of their secret in a bag hanging attached to that hook. I must be strong to hold that hook in place and keep it securely attached, because if I don’t that bag will fall and I will have failed. This does not mean I will tell the secret, it means I will have a damaged area of my pristine structure.
For people to want to trust me my structure must look strong, stable and secure, and apparently I give off that aura. Inside though what you would think is a solid structure is just a thick exterior with an interior filled with rubble. A strong obelisk would have a steel core to help support it and give it internal strength, I have loose rocks and gravel filling me up.
I stay strong for everyone else who trusts me and feels they need me to help them. I am the person they can turn to if they need to when their chips are down, they need to vent or just a friendly ear to listen to their worries. I encourage people to tell me things at times because I know talking through problems can help. I try as much as possible to not make people uneasy around me because I wouldn’t want to be made to feel awkward, why would I inflict that upon someone else?
The hypocrisy of it all is that a fair number of people are willing to trust me with their problems, yet there are scant few who I trust enough with mine. My current issues I cannot really talk about with anyone I know, because none of them will understand this situation as none of them have ever been in it. That is not a teenage angst filled “you don’t understand me” moment, it is a case of literally no one in my friend circle would get what I am talking about.
I once had that solid steel core, but it was broken by someone unintentionally. Now I must make do the best I can with what I have. I will be that pillar of strength for my friends, my family and whoever needs me, but the question is who will be mine when the strain gets too much and my cracks start to show?