I cannot do anything right. At all.
Background: I have just got promoted, sort of, to the same job at a larger store. I have a new guy who has come in at the same level as me and he is 19. at 26 this is not how I saw my life. He is loud and incredibly camp, and it is really grating on me.
Don’t get it twisted here. I am not homophobic. I could not have worked where I have, nor got through my life without being tolerant of everyone and everything around me. What I can’t deal with is the out and out, obnoxiously loud, in your face, everything defining who I am is based in my sexuality, camp ways this kid has.
Work is also leading to me getting into trouble there. I have had two sit down conversations since I have walked in nearly a month ago which have been written and recorded in my file. I have not had any positive feedback whatsoever on my work, just criticism or just no comment whatsoever. I work my balls off at work and I feel absolutely nothing is being recognised. I feel like I am just another cog in a machine which doesn’t really want me there. A useless cog.
My girlfriend is trying to be as supportive as she can but she is getting annoyed at me too. Work rearranges my shifts and I just go and do the shifts. I got to the position I am in now because of the fact that I always say yes. If it needs to be done I will do it, no questions asked. That is the reason I have progressed in the way that I have. I always say yes and I am at 100% go from the moment I walk in the door to the moment I walk out.
Now that I have a girlfriend I now have a semblance of a social life. I keep bailing on events because I have to work another shift or because I have to be up super early (like SUPER early) to get to work in the morning. It is effecting her and I have apologised and told her to go to her events anyway. I am there only because I am your boyfriend, not because they care. They are your friends not mine. I have had hits on “our” time as well, both regular and intimate, and that is a strain more for her than me. I just deal with what I have and try not to drown in a sea of shit.
So I go to work and I feel useless, then I come home and feel inadequate and like my girlfriend is not happy with me. We bicker, she gets annoyed that I cannot remember her rota, and I am never available to be sociable. I can barely remember my own rota, remembering someone elses is too much. As for the social aspect, I am not a sociable person. In honesty I don’t event think I am a nice person, but there we go.
TL:DR I feel useless and inadequate in both my work “professional” life and my home “personal” life. I am just one big fuck up.